Summer in the Hamptons
by skygirl55
Summary: Sometimes letting go is the hardest thing of all. Caskett pre-series AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Summer in the Hamptons**

* * *

 **A/N: There will be 14 chaps + epilogue**

 **Warning: minor character death in a later chapter**

 **Photo Credit: Dennis Flood (via Google)**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

"Daddy—c'mon!"

"I'm coming as fast as I can sweetheart." Though his legs were twice as long as hers, Richard Castle struggled to keep up with the six-year-old girl rushing down the sidewalk in front of him. He jogged a little to ensure they reached the crosswalk at the same time and then landed his hand on her shoulder as they stepped into the crowds crossing at the intersection, which always felt a little bit like being a salmon trying to move upstream.

"Well be faster!"

"Alexis." Rick's hand closed tighter on his daughter's shoulder and he forced her to stop walking. Gazing down at her, he said in a firm yet serious manner, "You need to be patient; there's no need to rush."

"But Kate and Thor are waiting for us!" She insisted with a level of seriousness that would have made a stranger think their destination was the Pentagon and not a park in lower Manhattan.

"Yes, and they know we're coming. Two more blocks and we'll be there."

With that, he continued moving with his hand on Alexis's shoulder, forcing her to walk at a moderate rate instead of darting through pedestrian traffic like an Olympic gold medal awaited her. He understood that Tuesdays and Thursdays were her favorite days of the week; he couldn't exactly say he disagreed about that, but at the same time she was getting older and needed to learn that getting her way was not always possible. Nor was it possible to have everything _right that very second_ as difficult as that was to explain to her sometimes.

When they turned towards the park's entrance, Rick had to once again close his fingers around his daughter's shoulder so she didn't scamper off until he spotted their friend and her canine companion. When he did see the woman sitting on her usual bench with a German shepherd sitting patiently by her feet, he released his daughter from his grip and almost winced from the piercing way she screamed out, "THOR!" The dog immediately hopped up and began barking and wagging his tail. The woman, who had been reading something in her lap, reached down and unhooked the dog's leash from his collar, letting him run over and greet his favorite pint-sized companion.

"Thor! Did you miss me Thor? I missed you!" Alexis said as she reached out her hand to stroke the dog now circling her as he barked and hopped about. Revealing the yellow tennis ball in her grip, Alexis held it out to the dog, which took it happily and pranced off towards the open grassy space in the park with Alexis close behind. Rick chuckled and shook his head at the familiar sight. No matter how often they saw each other, Alexis's excitement always made it seem as though she and Thor were finally being reunited after many weeks apart.

Eight months earlier, just after the beginning of the school year, Rick and his daughter were standing in almost that exact same position tossing a Frisbee back and forth as their after-dinner activity when suddenly the red disc was snatched out of mid-air by an overzealous brown-and-black dog, leaving them both stunned. As the dog stood before Alexis with a wagging tail and an expectant look, his owner, a young woman Rick later learned to be named Kate, hurried over calling out apologies. Rick insisted there was no harm done and even happily gave the pooch a little scratch behind the ears before they parted ways.

A few days later, a similar event occurred, only that time Alexis saw the approaching dog and pitched him the Frisbee, which he caught between his teeth with ease. She then asked for his permission to play with the dog, to which he said she needed permission from the dog's owner, which Kate happily provided and thus their friendship began.

Through the fall, Rick and Alexis saw Kate and Thor and average of two days a week, but as the days grew shorter and the temperature colder, they hardly saw the duo at all. Occasionally they'd bump into each other on a weekend morning—that was how Rick learned that Kate and her canine actually lived on their street in a building caddy-corner to their own—but for the most part they spent the winter apart. Finally, when spring arrived, Alexis requested that they make their "dates" with Thor more official, and thankfully Kate agreed. They had a standing Tuesday-Thursday schedule, which they tried to stick to as best they could as it made both dog and little girl very happy.

As Thor and Alexis ran through the grass, Rick walked over to the bench and sat beside his twice-a-week companion. After exchanging hellos, she smiled at him and said, "I was hoping you didn't forget about us today."

He clicked his tongue. "As if Alexis would allow that. No—I was just finishing up a call with my publisher, which was why we were running a bit late. Sorry about that."

She shrugged. "No worries."

Leaning back, he propped his left elbow against the top of the bench and twisted his upper body to face her. "How are you?"

She let out a light laugh and dropped the highlighter she held down into the book open on her lap. "Slowly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel…until they throw more work at me."

He gave an encouraging smile. "You'll get through it, I'm sure of it."

As a stay-at-home father, Rick was used to striking up conversations with the mothers (or fathers, though that was much rarer) of the children Alexis played with. This playground chatter was a standard in his repertoire so it only made sense for him to chat with Thor's "mother" once he and Alexis began playing regularly. Unlike the other park moms, who seemed to be won over rather quickly by his friendly demeanor and winning smile, Kate was very slow to warm up to him. She was always pleasant and friendly, but never went out of the way to speak with him, and always seemed to have her nose buried in a book. It took him nearly a month to discover she was a lawyer in her first year at a big firm, which explained her youthful appearance and studious demeanor. In the months that followed he'd gained only a limited amount of information further, though she continued to intrigue him endlessly; there was nothing he wanted more than to discover what stories lie behind her mysterious honey-brown eyes.

"Daddy! Are you watching! Look how high Thor can jump!"

Rick looked out towards the grassy area and saw his daughter toss a tennis ball as high into the air as she could. Thor hopped off the ground a foot and trapped it between his teeth on the ball's decent. "I see that, pumpkin; very impressive!" he called out to her. Then, he turned his head back to gaze at his bench companion, who was once again biting down on the cap of her highlighter. Leaning back in his seat, Rick observed her in as non-creepy a way as he possibly could.

As he generally considered himself a people-watcher, both because of his profession (one never knew from where inspiration would strike) and his personality as a social being, Rick had been interested in Kate from the first moment she'd rushed towards him, her hair in a high-ponytail, dark-rimmed glasses balanced on the bridge of her nose. She had been kind and very apologetic given the situation, but also reserved and shy.

The longer they sat side-by-side during their bi-weekly meets, the more he grew to know her. Of course, this was only due to his own persistence. For a reason he had not yet figured out, Kate was incredibly tight-lipped on her personal life and virtually everything else about her. He didn't even know her last name! When they first met, he understood it, but after he discovered she was a fan of his books, he was even more surprised by how closed-off she was being. Generally, his fans couldn't wait to speak to him, which made Kate even more set-apart from the rest.

Why was this woman so seemingly afraid of revealing anything personal about herself to the point where she would deliberately and obviously change the subject with even the most innocent of questions? She was beautiful and clearly kind, which was obvious from the loyalty and devotion of her pet, so why did she spend most of her evenings alone on a park bench with her law books instead of with a significant other? What was the reasoning behind the glimpses of sadness in her eyes he picked up on when she would look out at his daughter playing with her pet?

As a mystery writer, Rick craved the answer to all of these questions and the several dozen more spinning around inside his head, though of course he was too polite to ask any of them outright. Fortunately for his curiosity, she did seem to be getting more comfortable around him. Though it was rare for her to be the one to strike up conversation during their Tuesday-Thursday get-togethers, she did seem less resistant to his questions so long as they remained of the non-personal nature.

For the prior two weeks, Rick had been considering the idea of inviting Kate to dinner as a way of expanding their friendship. He was not entirely sure as to what his ultimate intentions were, but simply being park-friends no longer felt like enough—particularly not when his daughter mentioned Thor at least once a day, sometimes even more. They had never once seen each other outside the park and maybe their friendship was meant to remain only there, maybe it wouldn't work in a more "real world" setting, but he still felt compelled to ask. It was, as he thought, all part of the process of getting back out there.

"Hey, um, I was wondering." Rick paused until Kate gazed up at him, curious. "You…wouldn't want to have dinner sometime, would you?"

Her brow creased. "Dinner? With you?"

"No—all of us. Myself and Alexis. Thor could even come too," he said, thinking that a group dinner would seem less serious and more casual—friendly.

"Oh." She capped her highlighter, placed it in the book on her lap, and evaded his gaze. "That's very kind, but I don't think so."

"Really?" he continued, his heart beating a little bit faster. Given her reserved nature he should have been more prepared for rejection, but he was not. Instead, he was a bit dumbfounded. "I, ah, we could get ice cream instead if you…if you'd rather."

She turned back to him, a small amount of her confidence seemingly returned. "It's just…I'm sorry if I've given you the wrong impression here, but I'm really just too busy with work to have a boyfriend right now."

"Oh no. That's not—I'm sorry." Rick huffed out a breath and dropped his chin to his chest. He had not intended for her to interpret his invitation as one to a date—which was why he'd purposely included his daughter. He would never say that he was uninterested in going on a date with the beautiful woman beside him—quite the opposite in fact—but that he knew would be in the future.

"See, ah, I know I told you I was divorced, but the truth is that it hasn't even been a year since Alexis's mother left us. I'm definitely not ready to be in a relationship again—not yet. I just…I guess I was just thinking how well that Alexis and Thor get along—he honestly seems just as excited to see her as she is to see him, so I thought maybe it would be nice for us to see each other outside of the park. Totally casual—I promise." He concluded with a soft smile.

Her expression softened with a blink. "Oh, I'm sorry for assuming."

He shook his head. "No, don't be; I understand. So, does that change your mind?"

"Ah." She hesitated and gazed out towards the grass, where Alexis was now on her hands and knees as she scratched Thor's belly. "Well, I, um—week nights are pretty busy for me, I'm not—I'm not sure that would work out."

"Well Alexis does have a pretty busy weekend social calendar, but I think she could probably squeeze you in," Rick said, teasing. When Kate looked back to him, he smiled. "Seriously—any day of the week we can probably make work."

She nodded. "Um, okay, well let me look at my calendar and I can get back to you next Tuesday?"

"Ah." Rick dipped his hand into the pocket of his jeans and procured the business card he'd prepared for this exact moment. The card was his standard one with all of his publisher's official contact information, but on the back of it he'd handwritten his personal number. "Or—you could call me."

"Oh. Right." Kate took the card as though it might be tainted with some sort of poison, but once it was tucked into the spine of her book, she gave him a nod. "Okay—I'll call you and we can set something up."

Rick slid his hand over the back of the bench and gave the top of her shoulder a quick squeeze. "I can't wait."

* * *

 **A/N** : Thanks for reading! I must confess that this is a little bit sadder and angstier than I've written of late. I actually wrote this in tandem with Come Find Me - the plots are entirely unrelated, but that sex-filled story was meant to make up for the sadness of this one (lol seriously). I intended to post them back to back but the Christmas stories interrupted that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Good evening, Ms. Beckett."

"Oh, um." Kate almost startled when the doorman tipped his hat in her direction. This was only her third time at the Castle apartment building—had he really learned her name that quickly? "Hi Eduardo; thanks," she said when he opened the door wide enough for her and Thor to step inside.

As she walked towards the elevator, Kate shook her head, trying not to think too much about her interaction with the Broome Street doorman. It stood to reason that he would go out of his way to be extra polite to any guests of the man living in the penthouse apartment and her reading into it any further beyond that was most likely blowing things out of proportion. Then again, that was her typical MO and it was a hard one to shake.

Stepping onto the elevator, Thor let out a little yip of excitement and Kate could not help but chuckle as she glanced down at her pet. "You excited, buddy?" As his response was to wag his tail even more frantically, Kate merely shook her head and said, "You're just excited for Alexis's table scraps." After inadvertently turning Thor into a terrible food thief when he was a puppy, Kate had forced her pet to go cold-turkey on any human food and he had been reasonably well behaved ever since. Then, he'd taken up residence beside Alexis's seat at dinner and she'd caught the little girl slipping him a chunk of chicken before she'd warned her not to. She thought about stopping the her, but Alexis's giggle as Thor bathed her hand with his tongue had won her over, and she'd simply cautioned her against giving him more than a few treats.

On the fifth floor, Kate stepped out of the elevator and approached the penthouse apartment door with the familiar mix of nerves and anticipation in her belly. Two weeks earlier, on her first visit, nerves had definitely won out, and she would have turned around and returned home were it not for Thor's insistent tugging at his leash. Rick had said that their dinner was meant to be a friends-only event and she believed him, but even that was more than she usually participated in.

As far as Kate was concerned, the only interaction she needed to have with others was with Thor and with her father. Of course she had to speak with her coworkers and clients as much as was necessarily to perform her job, and that was fine, but outside of that she wished to limit her personal interactions. It was better that way—safer. Then, Rick Castle happened.

When Thor stole a Frisbee out of a red-headed little girl's hand, Kate had been mortified, particularly since he had never done anything like that before. Her embarrassment and horror only grew when she recognized the face of the man laughing and struggling to retrieve his plastic disk from her pet's death-grip. She'd been thoroughly relieved when he'd brushed off the event, and had her mind set on never interacting with the duo again, but they—and her pet—seemed to have other plans.

Though speaking with her favorite author was something Kate had desired for a long time, she had to continually remind herself that staying away from others was best, particularly when that "other" was a moderately famous mystery writer with a precocious six-year-old daughter. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt anyone, particularly not a family. But then he had just been so…insistent! Their interactions really were beyond the scope of her control.

As fall faded into winter, Kate resigned herself to accept her park conversations with Rick. She adjusted her attitude from being tersely cordial to being reasonably friendly while still remaining guarded. She did enjoy his company, after all. He was usually good for a hearty laugh and watching Thor and Alexis play was adorable. When spring returned, Kate decided that being acquaintances with Rick was something she would accept as long as their relationship did not expand beyond the park bench on which they sat. And then he'd asked her to dinner.

To that day, Kate wasn't sure what made her agree to join him, but when she'd arrived with nerves in her belly and dread in her chest she'd decided the event would be singular. She would eat dinner with Rick and Alexis that night, but never agree to see them outside the park again. That remained her mantra through the meal until just before dessert when Alexis presented her with a drawing she'd made depicting an afternoon at the park, with herself, Thor, and a tennis ball in the foreground, and Rick and Kate in the background sitting on a bench. Gazing down into the sparkling and hopeful eyes of the red-headed little girl Kate's stomach seized with guilt and simply could not turn down the invitation to get ice cream with them the following Sunday.

The problem was: Kate really liked the Castles— _really_ liked them. They were fun, kind, and enjoyable to be around. In fact, being around them made her realize just how much she missed interacting with people whose company she enjoyed. Unfortunately, her reasons for avoiding said company remained, which was why no matter how much she liked them, that evening needed to be her final one in their presence; it was the only way to keep them safe.

"Kate—perfect timing."

"Hi Rick. I—oh, all right! Calm down!" Kate groaned at the way her pet was hopping around and jerking at his leash as he barked. She reached down and unclipped the leash and he ducked between the tall man's legs to race into the apartment and towards his best friend.

"THOR!" Alexis called out as he barreled into her, nearly knocking her down with his enthusiasm.

"Never gets old." Rick chuckled.

Kate shook her head. "No, no it does not." Honestly, she was beginning to think her dog preferred the little girl to herself and was certain that did she not continue to dole out his food his loyalty would switch over in an instant.

"Wine?"

"Please." She returned as she toed off her shoes and then followed him towards the kitchen at a slower pace. She gazed over at Thor and Alexis playing tug-o-war in the center of the living area with a toy she hoped was meant for dogs, but then gave a little shake of her head. She'd long-since given up her guilt over the Castles buying toys and treats for her pet. She always insisted it was unnecessary, but they never stopped, so she figured there was no use fighting it.

"So did you get a lot of case work done today?"

She hummed out a thank you when he passed over the goblet of red. She took a sip and shut her eyes, reveling in the taste as it swirled around her tongue. One thing was for certain: her favorite author had impeccable taste in wine. Then again, the price per bottle was not something he appeared to be very concerned about.

"Ah yeah; I was in the office until about one. Then Thor and I went to the laundromat."

As he stood in front of the stovetop, Rick arched an eyebrow at her. "There's a laundromat that allows dogs?"

She chuckled. "No. He was leashed to a light pole out front while I filled the washers—and very unhappy about it."

"I'm sure."

"I just feel bad leaving him at home all day on weekends too, you know? He's already stuck in my small apartment Monday through Friday. At least he was outside a little bit," she said with a little shrug. The prior year of her life, ever since graduating law school and passing the Bar, had been an adjustment for both of them. Kate no longer had the freedom in her schedule to take Thor for walks more than once a day. In the very beginning, she hardly had time for once-a-day walks and had to rely on her father to take Thor out in the late afternoon so he could relieve himself. Her schedule had settled down in recent months, but she was still incredibly busy leaving little free time for both of them.

"Well, actually, while we're on the subject—kind of—I was-"

"Daddy!" Alexis interrupted her father as she came running into the kitchen, Thor close behind her. "Did you ask her yet?"

"I was just about to, honey."

"Ask me what?" Kate chimed in, curious.

Alexis turned to face her with an ear-to-ear grin and asked, "Would you like to come with us to the Hamptons?"

"Hamptons?" Kate echoed, mildly confused by the randomness of the request.

"We have a house out there." Rick clarified further.

"A house," she echoed again, a bit dumbly as she tried to process what was happening.

"Yeah, you know: four walls and a roof."

Despite the author's lighthearted grin, Kate's heart clenched with fear to the point where her stomach felt nauseated. She placed her wine glass down on the counter and backed two steps away from the kitchen. "Oh, I, well, I, um." Kate stammered while trying to come up with an excuse plausible enough to placate the excited looking duo.

"Thor can come too!" Alexis chimed in as though that would provide extra incentive.

Clearing her throat, Kate gazed down at the girl. "That's a very sweet invitation, Alexis, but I—I really am just so swamped at work right now that—that I don't think that will be possible." Despite stumbling a bit, Kate felt she had produced the perfect excuse—one that a six-year-old might not be able to fully understand, but one that her father would have no choice but to accept.

"This isn't for a whole week or anything," Rick jumped in to clarify. "Just the weekend. With school still in session we leave on Friday afternoons and come back Sunday evening so just about forty-eight hours."

Kate faltered for a moment, as that knowledge did put a small kink in her fool-proof plan, but she still believed work was the best excuse. "I still need my Saturdays to keep my head above water, Rick; I'm sorry."

"All work and no play could make Kate go crazy," the writer said in a bit of a sing-song way. Without missing a beat he continued with, "Don't answer now—just think about it as we eat. Speaking of—please go put Thor's toy back and then wash your hands, okay pumpkin?"

"Okay Dad," the girl cheerfully agreed.

Kate watched as Alexis walked back towards the living area, Thor cheerfully trotting at her side, and felt her stomach flip in her gut. _Shit_. She had never expected this! She knew that the Castle family was only trying to be kind to her, and she appreciated that, but they had no idea what danger they were unintentionally bringing upon themselves by not letting her and Thor go. Really, it was her fault—she should have never allowed herself to grow close to them at all. She should have stopped taking Thor to that park after Alexis threw him the Frisbee. Now, she had to make her escape while not hurting the bright-eyed little girl in the process.

"Thor! Stop!"

Alexis's giggle pulled Kate from her thoughts just as she was about to sit down at the dinner table. Alexis was already seated with Thor by her side, and when Kate peered over the table she saw one of the dog's paws was already in Alexis's lap. Evidently he was ramping up his begging game, which meant that was the first thing she needed to nip in the bud.

"Thor, come." Kate commanded her pet. He obeyed, though with a hanging head. Kate pointed to a spot a few feet behind her chair and said, "Lay down." Thor looked up at her and licked his lips, clearly resistant. "Thor; down." She commanded again and he obeyed.

"Aww but he's so sad." Rick sighed out sadly as the pooch watched him carry food to the table with mournful eyes.

"He'll get his food when we go home."

"You know," Rick said, sitting down at the head of the table, "I don't think I ever asked—why did you call him Thor? Are you a comic book fan?"

"Oh, um, not really, but I did get his name from comics. Before I got him I was trying to think of a good, strong name and I happened to be walking by a comic book shop and there was a Thor comic in the window. I just…I dunno," she shrugged. "Sounded like a good name for him."

"Oh don't get me wrong I love it; I was just curious."

Kate felt her heart flutter under Rick's smile and she cursed silently while turning back to her plate of food. Damn—she really had let herself grow far too close to this family.

Rick was…a rather indescribable human being. Kind and friendly—those qualities were obvious upon meeting them. A bit of a flirt she'd come to find out over their months of meet-ups. But he was also one of those people that had an inexplicable comforting quality to them. He made her want to open up, want to go close to someone, and were it not for the looming terror over her head, she would have been tempted—very tempted. But if anything were to happen to him because of her…the father of a young child—that would have been horrific enough, but a _celebrity_ no less? She would never be able to live with herself—that was assuming she survived at all.

"Daddy can I show Thor my room after dinner?"

"Ah…" The man hesitated and glanced briefly at Kate. "Well…I suppose, but real quick, okay? I'm sure he's hungry for his dinner."

"Great!" Alexis quickly inhaled the last three bites of her foot before jumping up and yelling, "C'mon Thor!" while still half chewing.

As dog and girl bounded up the steps, Kate turned her head to see Rick giving her a rather apologetic look. "Listen, I'm sorry if you feel like we ambushed you about going to the Hamptons."

"Oh—no. No I don't think that," she insisted quickly.

He shrugged a little. "Still, we sprung it on you. I just wanted to give more of an explanation. I just…it seems like you work hard—really hard. I remember a few weeks ago you said you hadn't been on a vacation since you started law school and, well, not that this is a vacation per-se, but it would be a little getaway. If it would make you feel better: you can bring work with you. You can lock yourself away in my office and let Alexis and I play with Thor on the beach—I'm sure he'd love that."

"Well actually…he's not the biggest fan of water; giving him a bath is a nightmare," she said with a half-groan.

He chuckled. "Okay, then; we'll keep away from the water. But it's like you said—you feel bad having Thor cooped up on weekends, but this way he'll be getting tons of attention and you can do all the work you need."

"I…I don't know." She sighed and lowered her chin to her chest. She knew he wasn't trying to torture her, but he was making it very difficult for her to say no—rather, for her to find a reasonable and believable excuse to use to turn down his invitation.

"Think about it, okay? Just give it a few days. We go out every weekend so whenever it fits in to your schedule."

"I, ah, yeah—okay. I'll, um, think about it," Kate said finally. She hoped this non-commitment would give her time to think of a solid excuse not to go—because she couldn't. She was too close to them already.

* * *

 **A/N** : thank you so much for your reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Wiping his hands on a kitchen towel, Rick ducked out onto the porch of his Hamptons beach home, threw the towel over his left shoulder, and walked over to his daughter, who was stretched out on one of the lounge chairs, book propped up on her thighs. Though she had yet to read any of his works (she wasn't quite old enough for those) Alexis had certainly inherited her father's love of literature, and easily read chapter books far above her grade-level without second thought, which made her father very proud.

"'lexis," he said, calling her attention. "Which veggie do you want with dinner: peas or green beans?"

She momentarily scrunched her nose, as green veggies were her least favorite—no matter the type. "What else are we having?"

"Pork chops."

"Ughh…beans I guess."

Rick smiled, leaned over and bumped his lips against the crown of her head. "One day you will like peas, sweet pea."

"No!" Alexis insisted and her father simply chuckled. Then, he gazed down at the canine sprawled out at the foot of the chaise lounge. Despite Rick walking within a few feet of him, Thor hadn't lifted his head, swished his tail, or made any other movements to indicate he was still alive. Evidently, he'd been thoroughly worn out by their mid-afternoon excursion.

"You're letting Thor rest, right sweetie?"

"Uh huh."

Rick hummed, studied the furry chest of the dog to make sure it still rose and fell with his breathing, and then merely shrugged and walked back into the kitchen. He gazed in the oven to check their main course, and once he saw it was beginning to turn slightly brown at the edges, he decided to alert his other houseguest about the impending meal.

As he walked back towards the office, Rick could not help but smile proudly at the fact that he had successfully convinced Kate and her pup to spend the weekend at his beach retreat. It really had been quite adorable how flustered she'd become when he inquired about her thoughts on his invitation the next time they saw one another at the park. She stammered out several uncertainties before ultimately agreeing to join him so long as she could contribute in some way to the weekend. He agreed, though never intended on making her stick to her word since she was his guest and there was no need for her to offer to help with cleaning or cooking or whatever she intended to help with.

Pausing at the edge of the hallway, he could just barely see her seated at his desk. She wore her dark-rimmed reading glasses and her hair was twisted into a bun at the top of her head. When combined with the way she chewed on the cap of her highlighter, Rick believed it gave her a very studious if not slightly librarian-esque appearance. He felt a few tingles flow southward in his spine, but immediately shook his head, shutting down that notion—at least for the time being since his feelings at that moment were, at best, complicated.

Now that the anger and bitterness that remained after his divorce had finally faded away, Rick believed he was ready to once again embark on a romantic relationship with a woman. He also strongly believed Kate could be that woman, but yet he remained cautious about dating as a single father. He'd read articles and blogs about the topic specifically and one piece of advice he wanted to heed for certain was not to have women drifting in and out of his daughter's life. If he was going to date someone, he needed to do so without that woman meeting Alexis until their relationship was established…

… _unless_ he could date a woman with whom he already had an established relationship by way of a friendship.

Of course, this was far from the only reason he was interested in Kate. She was beautiful, intelligent, and had a smile that made his heart flutter in ways it hadn't since he was a teen. Plus, in an unexpected sort of way, she simply seemed to fit with them. She had ever since that first day at the park, and inviting her into their home had felt completely natural. Yet, at the same time, Rick's gut told him the time was still not right.

Just because he thought he was ready didn't mean that he was. He certainly didn't want to rush into anything only to have it later blow up in his face. Then, at the same time, there was Kate. He didn't believe she was uninterested in him romantically—her smiles and averted gazes when their eyes met told him as much. But there was something…something about her he just couldn't put his finger on. Even with all their dinners and now the twenty-four hours they'd spent in each other's presence, she still remained extremely hesitant to divulge anything remotely personal. Given what else he knew about her, he could not simply brush that off as shyness; there was more to the story and he needed to dig a bit deeper before elevating their relationship to any level above what it was then.

Clearing his throat, he stepped up to the doorway to the office and tapped his knuckles against the doorframe. "Kate?" he called out to get her attention. She jumped slightly and pulled her glasses off the end of her nose as she looked up at him. "Sorry to interrupt I just wanted to say that dinner will be ready in about half an hour."

"Wha—I…" She glanced around at the papers spread out over his desk for a few minutes, clearly disoriented, before looking back up at him and saying, "What time is it? I thought I was making dinner tonight."

"It's after five and really-"

"After five!? Shit! I'm sorry—why didn't you interrupt me?!"

He offered a gentle smile at her frazzled sounding tone. "Kate, don't worry about it. I know you're busy and it's no big deal—just pork chops and some veggies."

She capped her highlighter and tossed it down on the desk. "Well at least let me help you set the table," she said, sounding thoroughly annoyed with herself.

He smiled. "If you want, but take your time; no rush." With that, he turned and walked out of the office heading back towards the kitchen.

* * *

Kate let out a small groan as she packed up her books and case paperwork. She was mad at herself for not realizing the time sooner so she could have contributed to dinner. Then again, she had been worried she would not get enough work done that weekend with the Castles and that was certainly not the case, which she was very thankful for. Still, the last thing she wanted was to be an ungrateful guest.

Despite the fact that she was quickly approaching the twenty-four-hour mark of her time in the Hamptons, Kate could still hardly believe she had agreed to join the Castle clan that May weekend. While sitting alone in her apartment trying to come up with excuses that seemed reasonable and believable enough to get her out of the invitation, Thor's incessant staring and whining continually drew her attention away from her plotting and back towards visions of Alexis's smile and her pup's wagging tail as they played with balls or Frisbees. The more she waivered in her plot to turn down the invitation, the more insistently he whined. It was uncanny—almost as if he knew what was going on inside her mind.

Deep down, Kate knew the fears that prevented her from getting close to other people—whether it was in a romantic or friendship capacity—were irrational. She didn't need to be afraid to have anything more than casual interactions with others. She didn't need to isolate herself from coworkers and friendly people she met on the subway or in the park. But every time she tried to convince herself otherwise, the little voice in the back of her head went, "But is it safe? Are you really sure?"

Five years had passed since she heard from her mother's killers; five years since they threatened her life and that of her father. True, the killers had never threatened anyone other than the two of them, but how could she know if she were to enter a relationship that man would not be in danger? Worse—that man and his family? Perhaps if the killers thought she was thinking of going to the police, they would use that man or—god forbid—his child as leverage to buy her silence. If that were to happen, she would never be able to live with herself.

Though she had survived the attack that took her mother's life, as the lonely years passed Kate began to wonder how much that survival was a blessing and how much it was actually too heavy of a burden to bear. Sitting in her apartment as Thor nudged her knee again and again with his cold nose, she thought that perhaps her vow of solitude was too harsh. Just because there were people keen on killing her if she made a move they didn't like did not mean she couldn't live her life. She doubted these people, whoever they are, were stalking her and watching her every move. That seemed illogical no matter how much the taunting voices inside her mind told her it wasn't.

After many hours of wrestling back and forth Kate ultimately decided she could be friends with the Castles, but nothing more. They would be the kind of friends who hung out at the park and on rare occasion ate dinner together, but that was where their interaction needed to end. True, staying at the beach house did elevate them slightly above a barely-friends status, but so long as that too was a rare occasion, no one dangerous would be any the wiser.

Despite settling on that decision for several days to become comfortable with it, Kate still fought nerves when she climbed into Rick's Mercedes the prior day. She second-guessed herself all the way up until they pulled into the driveway of his Hamptons estate. After that she was too stunned to be fearful.

To say that Rick's home was completely overwhelming would have been an understatement. She had been thoroughly impressed by his spacious, two-story loft in the city, but the beach house was downright outrageous with a dozen rooms, exquisite décor, and a breath-taking beachy backyard. It was truly an oasis and she was thankful to be there for even the briefest period of time and wanted to express that gratitude by helping with dinner.

"So what's the case you're working on?" Rick asked her after he'd pointed out where she could find the plates and utensils to set the table. "Or I guess you can't say, can you?"

Kate almost laughed. Surely this man had heard of attorney-client privilege before, but perhaps he was just trying to make conversation. "No, I can't tell you about it, but I doubt you'd want me to—it's about securities fraud. Lots and lots of legal jargon."

He grimaced. "Yikes. I can't even read my book contracts—that sounds like a nightmare. Do you come from a family of lawyers, by chance?"

She bobbed her head. "My parents."

He smiled. "Ah, so that's where you get it from."

She gave a little shrug and then tried to change the subject. "Can I do anything else?"

"Nope."

She gripped the back of one of the chairs a little bit harder than necessarily. "Are you sure? I don't want it to seem like I'm taking advantage."

He tilted his head to the side and gazed at her as though that idea had been one of the furthest from his mind. "But we invited you; you're the guest. Speaking of—you're welcome back any time."

"Oh." She felt startled by the unexpected comment, particularly since she was hoping this event would be once and done—not that she didn't enjoy his home, but it was best for the limited-friendship status she was trying to maintain. "It is lovely here, Rick but I…I shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"I…it's too much. We're just park acquaintances."

He took a few steps closer to her, casually leaning his hand against the kitchen island. "What if I want us to be friends? I invite my friends out here all the time."

"I…" She hesitated while internally cursing. How could she possibly explain that she wanted to be only minor-friends and not good friends without sounding like an insane person? Worse—without feeling forced to reveal the truth she swore she'd take to the grave.

He closed the distance between them and gently brushed his fingertips down the outside of her arm. "Kate—I don't want to twist your arm into something you're uncomfortable with, but you did seem to be enjoying yourself when you and Thor were playing this morning."

She dropped her chin to her chest, trying to hide the smile on her face at the memory of how her dog had pranced through the sand while trying to retrieve his favorite ball. "Well yeah. It's hard not to enjoy this place—it's gorgeous."

"So you'll come back?"

She let out an airy laugh. "You're making it hard for me to say no."

He grinned, clearly proud. "I know. C'mon Kate—it's almost summer."

"But work-"

"You got work done today." He reminded her coolly. "If you don't want to do it for you, do it for Thor. Look how happy he is."

Kate gazed out towards the patio where Rick gestured. She could see Thor sitting beside Alexis's chase lounge, his head resting by Alexis's foot as she stroked one of her tiny fingers down his snout. Looking back to her companion she said, "Thor would be just as happy back in the city."

"Mmm I don't know about that. There are no seagulls there."

Kate laughed loudly as she had never seen her dog as happy as when he was chasing his newfound nemesis. Knowing she wouldn't win any contrary argument in that moment, she rounded her shoulders, let out an exhale and said, "I'll think about it, okay?"

"You might as well just agree—you know you're going to." He winked at her and then, without anther word, turned back towards the stove. Kate remained standing by the dining table as she dragged her teeth across her bottom lip, both annoyed and happy with the fact that the writer had a very valid point.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Kate! Look at this one!"

The brunette looked up to see the young girl racing towards her with an object trapped between her index finger and thumb held high above her head. Kate reached out for it once Alexis was close enough and saw that she had found a perfectly shaped bay scallop shell without any cracks or imperfections. "Oohh good one 'lex. I found two of those too, but they're not as good as yours." Kate held out her left hand with palm flat so Alexis could see the similar shells, though they each had cracks around the edges.

"No, they'll work. Thanks!" Alexis took all three shells and ran back up the beach to the sand castle she had constructed using preformed plastic molds. She pressed each of the shells into the side of the castle—the windows, she had previously explained to Kate—then stepped back to admire her work.

"Looks great." Kate told her. "Do you want to collect anymore?"

"No," she said, dropping to her knees in the sand and reaching out for her plastic molds once more. "I'm just going to put another room on the castle."

"Okay."

Kate dragged her beach chair over a bit closer to where Alexis was kneeling and plopped down in it. With a light sigh she leaned back in the seat and gazed wistfully out at the waves gently breaking a dozen feet away. It really was beautiful there. So beautiful that she wondered how she ever considered not returning, even if a little bit of anxiety did build up in her chest each and every time she climbed into the passenger seat of Rick's Mercedes.

Nearly two months had passed since her first trip out to the end of Long Island and in that time Kate had joined the Castles at their home three additional times. Despite Rick's insistence that she join them every weekend, Kate told him there was no way she could possibly do that and still keep up with her laundry, cleaning, and other necessary chores. Besides, she didn't want to overstay her welcome, even if he insisted that wasn't possible.

Though if up to her own devices Kate may have agreed to join the family one more time, she quickly learned just how persuasive her favorite author could be. Really, it was quite ridiculous. Normally, if she made up her mind about something, she was not easily swayed, but Rick's smile and continued nudging were for some reason impossible to say no to. Perhaps that was because deep down she really didn't want to say no.

Though she remained uncertain about just how close she should be to her new friends, Kate found Rick and Alexis's presence in her life to be quite relieving in addition to being enjoyable. She had not realized quite how lonely her isolation had made her until she was playing a board game with them and laughing so hard tears were streaming down her cheeks. Her belly was even sore the next day from all the laughing and she couldn't have been happier about it. They were fun and helped her remember that the world wasn't only full of criminals or corrupt individuals, but that honest, good-hearted people still existed and the Castle family was among them.

Kate realized in that moment that she had been so distracted with playing with Alexis for the prior hour she hadn't even thought about her pending case once. She immediately felt guilt wash over her, but tried to brush it off. Just because she was trying to prove herself to be the best possible lawyer she could be did not mean that she needed to think about her cases twenty-four seven. That was unreasonable. She had already spent three hours that morning working and had agreed to play with Alexis through the afternoon so that Rick could work on his book. She felt this to be a more than fair tradeoff for his hospitality.

"Kate?"

"Mm—yeah Alexis," she said, slightly startled by the girl's unexpected words as she had been consumed with her own thoughts.

"Will you fix my hair?"

"Um, yeah. Sure."

As Alexis continued to pile up the sand around her newly formed structure, Kate walked around behind the young girl and attempted to comb back some of the chunks that had dropped out of her braid. She quickly realized that salvaging the existing hairdo was impossible, so she pulled out the rubber tie at the end of the braid, clamped it between her teeth and began raking her fingers through the orange locks to separate enough to braid again.

"Can you do a French braid? Daddy always says his fingers are too big to do that."

"Uh-huh." Kate mumbled, the hair tie still trapped in her teeth. She then reorganized her grip on the girls' hair so she could do a French braid. "Is that too tight?" she asked once she began to pull strands of hair into the braid, knowing she wanted it to be snug enough to hold, but not painful.

"It's fine."

"Okay."

With several more twists, Alexis's shoulder-length hair was once again secured at the back of her head. Once Kate moved back to her seat, Alexis sat up, shook her head, and then smiled at the elder woman. "You're good at that—much better than my mom ever was."

"Ah, thanks." Kate laughed lightly, not sure how else to respond to the delicate topic of Meredith, Alexis's mother.

"She never liked to braid my hair…or play with me."

"I'm sure that's not true."

Alexis looked up at her with an expression that made it very obvious that her statement was accurate. "She only liked to take me shopping."

"Shopping can be fun," Kate said, maintaining her positive attitude.

"Not _all_ the time."

Kate pressed her lips together tightly, not sure what else to say to help the girl. Before going to the Hamptons, all Kate knew about Rick's martial situation was that his wife had left him at the end of the school year before they met and moved out to California. Evidently, she was an actress. Through the talks she and Rick had after Alexis went to bed she learned that Meredith had actually been having an affair, which was the major catalyst for her West Coast move, as the director she was sleeping with obtained a job out there and she intended to tag along. She also learned that his marriage had always been rocky and that Meredith had never been "mother of the year"—those were Rick's exact words and she hadn't learned any more detail, but she presumed the woman to be very self-centered and Alexis's statements certainly confirmed that.

"Did your mom teach you how to braid hair, Kate?"

"Um…" Kate hesitated for a moment and thought back to her childhood. She honestly could not recall at what point or how she learned to braid hair, though she assumed it was one of her friends during her youth. She was certain it was not her mother and thus she could not provide Alexis with a fairytale-esque moment of epiphany, but perhaps that was for the best. "No, I don't think so; I think I just figured it out."

A frown crossed Alexis's face. "Oh."

"But you know she taught me other things," Kate continued. "Like how to bake and how to sew."

"Oh, my Gran sews her costumes and Daddy's a great cook!"

"Yes he is," Kate said, mirroring the young girl's smile.

"Do you still bake with your mom?"

"Ah, no." Kate fought a wince from the pain that shot through her heart. "Actually, my mom passed away a few years ago."

"Oh. Is that why only your dad is coming to visit us next week?"

Kate nodded in response to the girl's question, but also fought to roll her eyes. What were the odds of Rick and Alexis bumping into her and her father on the street two weeks earlier? She supposed that since they lived on the same street the even was not that unlikely, but she had never run into them before! Plus, she'd thought the Castles were spending that entire week out at the Hamptons now that school was over, but there they were, waving excitedly. Of course, her father was well aware of the stories about "Thor's best friend Alexis" but suddenly not only were they all chatting, but Rick was inviting her father out to the Hamptons before she could protest.

Given that her father knew nothing of the death threats she received, Kate could not give any explanation as to why she was trying to discourage her father from making the trip other than a weak, "It's complicated," that her father didn't buy at all. He'd agreed to visit the following week and she and Thor would be joining him. With the plans set, all she could do was hope it wasn't awkward, or that it wouldn't encourage a deeper connection with the Castle clan than she wanted to convey.

"That must be sad."

"It is sometimes," Kate said. Not wanting to continue speaking about her mother, she then changed the subject with, "Let's go look for some shells to decorate your new castle with, okay?"

"Okay!" Alexis agreed before hoping up immediately and running towards the surf with Kate close behind.

* * *

Sitting at his desk, Rick Castle shifted positions so that instead of leaning back in his seat he leaned forward, balancing his elbows on the edge of his desk and cradling his chin against the heel of his hand. As he drummed his fingertips across his upper lip, he thought not about Storm's latest adventures, but about a new character. She wasn't fully developed yet; she was but a silhouette but she had potential—a lot of it.

When he thought about this mystery woman—Nikki, he was definitely going to call her Nikki—he saw her as a lawyer. She was a savvy young woman maybe only a year or two out of school dedicating her life to the job. She worked late hours reaching cases and pulling together data. She didn't have much of a social life, but that didn't matter to her. She wanted to help people. She wanted to be the best. She wanted… _something_.

Rick groaned and pushed himself up from his seat. Grabbing a stress ball shaped like the globe on his way, he began to pace the space in front of his desk, squeezing the ball and tossing it in-between hands. Something was missing. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on. The character had drive, that was for sure, but what drove her? What made Kate—er, _Nikki_ —dedicate herself so tirelessly to the job?

In truth, he had no idea, but he also knew that the knowledge would come. Maybe not from Kate. Perhaps given time his brain would be able to fill in the gaps. Or, perhaps given time, the more time he spent with Kate, the perfect ideas would come to light.

No matter how much time Rick wished to spend thinking about Nikki, he knew Derek Storm was the character he needed to focus on, particularly with chapters due by the end of the month. Thinking a walk to the kitchen for a soda might clear his head he tossed the stress ball back onto his desk and padded his way across the wood floors. Before he reached the kitchen, he caught sight of Kate and Alexis walking up the path from the beach. Thor, who had been napping on the porch, rushed out to greet them. Rick smiled.

To say that he was thrilled with the fact that Kate had visited their Hamptons home not once but four times would have been an understatement. She had been so tentative and hesitant he wasn't sure what she would ultimately decide, but with each visit she seemed to relax more and more in his presence. During their nightly glass of wine after Alexis's bedtime they would swap stories and though he still told more than half of them, she did offer up a few of her own, particularly the night before when he asked her to tell him about her father in advance of his visit. Twenty minutes into the tale about a baseball loving, soft-spoken man he was anxious to know better, he asked about her mother, and sadly learned she had passed away several years before. From her tone, he knew not to press. The death had clearly been shocking and tragic, and the last thing he wanted to do was pry or make her feel uncomfortable, but he was also glad to know that information, as he believed it explained some of the sadness in her eyes, though even that was starting to fade.

By that point in mid-July he was certain that the connection he felt to Kate was real and true. Yes, she was still reserved, but he'd caught her staring at him more than once from across the sand. And her smiles were getting wider and wider, so he couldn't help but think she felt something similar. Even more important was how she interacted with her daughter.

After his marriage imploded Rick promised himself that he would never again enter a relationship with a woman if that woman was not someone who could accept and love his daughter. Alexis was too young to have her heart broken again and again, and as her father he needed to protect her, even if it resulted in more than a few lonely nights for himself. Fortunately, with Kate that didn't seem to be an issue. From the day they began playing together in the park with Thor it was clear that Kate had a kind, caring heart. Now that he was able to observe some one-on-one time they shared he knew that she was exactly the kind of woman with whom he wanted to be in a relationship.

Despite these desires, Rick also knew Kate wasn't quite to that point yet. She would still change the subject if it strayed too close to her present personal life. And though there were times she clearly looked at him with want, there were just as many times she turned away. He was hoping that a weekend with her father changed all that and bonded them on a deeper level, which was why he was planning the most fun weekend ever. Though some of his ideas were ambitious, he believed it would work out. It would work out—he'd make sure of it.

* * *

 **A/N: thanks for reading & reviewing!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Sitting at the desk at the Castle family Hampton's home, Kate was determined to focus on her casework— _determined_. Unfortunately, for the better part of that day, so many other things had been more entertaining and proved worthwhile distractions. Finally, she handed off Thor to Alexis and her father and shut herself in the office. She needed to work on her case and clean up her notes or come Monday she would deeply regret her last minute excursion to the Hamptons.

The prior weekend she and her father had a surprisingly pleasant forty-eight hours with the Castle family. Though they had a few awkward moments, Thor always seemed to know when to interject himself into the moment to have everyone smiling and chatting again. As Rick and her father enjoyed a baseball game Saturday afternoon, Kate made dinner for all of them with a little bit of help from Alexis. They ate and laughed and on the way back to the city her father expressed how happy he was that he'd agreed to go, because the relaxing break was just what he had needed. Meanwhile, Kate was simply happy the weekend hadn't become a complete disaster.

After they parted from the Castle clan, her father began to pepper her with questions about the true nature of her relationship with the family, specifically with Rick. Kate insisted they were only friends, from the look on her father's face he clearly did not believe her, and that's when Kate realized she had probably overstepped the line. Though it had not been her idea, allowing her father to join them for the weekend certainly conveyed a deeper level of intimacy than she wished to, so she decided that she needed to take a break and remain in the city for a few weekends to give herself some distance. Then, she'd encountered a rather incorrigible version Rick Castle on the street and her weekend of solitude had gone up in smoke.

Honestly, she had no idea how he was so persuasive. She was a lawyer and thus supposed to be persuasive by nature—and she was, for the most part. When she made up her mind, she rarely changed it seeing as she also happened to be rather stubborn. But Rick? Somehow he just had this magic way of smiling, touching her arm gently and convincing her to change her mind with even the simplest, "Are you sure Kate? We'll really miss you and Thor if you don't join us." As he'd said these words, he'd smiled and her heart had completely surrendered, agreeing to join him without ever consulting her brain. After that weekend, though, she was definitely taking a break.

Just as Kate flipped to a new page in her case book, she was momentarily distracted by commotion outside the office door. The voices of Rick and Alexis were louder than they had been previously, but Kate tried her best to ignore them; they were probably just passing by the office on their way towards the front of the house. Before she could focus back in, however, she distinctly heard Castle call out her name, very loudly and purposefully.

Knowing he had never before interrupted her unless it was mealtime, Kate's interest was piqued so she stood from her seat and walked over to the door. Immediately upon opening it she heard Rick hushing his daughter, but Alexis's sobs did not seem to be abated by his words. Instantly concerned that the young girl was ill or injured, Kate's stomach clenched and she hurried towards the commotion in the front hall.

"What's going on?" she demanded as she rounded the corner. She saw Castle crouched in front of his daughter, a distraught look on his face, meanwhile Alexis seemed inconsolable.

"Alexis—she-"

"I'm so sorry!" Alexis blubbered out, turning towards Kate. Only in that moment did Kate realize that the girl held Thor's green leash limply in her hand.

Kate felt a cold sweat breakout over her forehead and the back of her neck as she asked, "What's wrong? What happened?"

"It seems Thor's leash broke and he ran off while Alexis was walking him," Rick explained.

"God!" Kate gasped. While the young girl cried out, "I'm sorry!" Kate merely pushed past her and ran out the front door of the home despite the fact that she had no shoes on.

"Thor! Thor! Come here Thor!" She called out, racing out across the grass, but there was no sight of him. To the left the neighbors had a large brick wall surrounding their property and she knew Thor could never have jumped it, so instead she ran right, continuing to call out for her dog. She could see into that neighbor's front yard, but he wasn't there. Unfortunately, along the side of the house there was scrub brush and trees she didn't want to run through in bare feet, so she merely circled around the house to the back yard, but still couldn't find him. Realizing she was now on a wild goose chase, she charged up the back porch stairs and went into the kitchen, knowing she needed more information from Alexis before she continued her search.

Unsurprisingly, Rick and Alexis hadn't moved from their spot in the foyer, though it seemed Alexis's tears had calmed slightly.

"…It's okay, sweetheart. It was just an accident and we'll find Thor."

"But Kate's so mad and it's my fault."

"No, honey, it's—oh. Did you find him?" Rick asked upon noticing Kate.

She shook her head. "Did you see what direction he ran off, Alexis?"

"Down the street; there was a seagull."

"The street!?" Kate squeaked as a fresh wave of panic coursed through her. Alexis nodded, still tearful, and Kate began to hyperventilate.

"It's okay, it's okay," Rick said, remaining calm. "Here's what we're going to do: Kate you go west and Alexis and I will take the car and go east. He can't have gone that far, right?"

"I…okay." Kate agreed distantly as her heart still thudded beneath his ribcage.

"Great, okay—hold on, just let me grab the keys. We'll find him, Kate—don't worry!"

* * *

Devastated. Kate was utterly and completely devastated.

She had walked down the street until she reached the highway, then she'd turned around and walked back, continuing to call out Thor's name. By the time she was making her fourth sweep almost forty minutes had passed. She saw Castle's Mercedes approaching and, though her feet were tired, she ran towards it, thinking he'd found her beloved pet, but they hadn't had any luck either.

"C'mon; let's go back and regroup," he had said to her, and though she'd wanted to keep walking until her feet could hold her weight no more, she agreed and reluctantly climbed into his vehicle.

"I'm going to call the local animal shelter," Rick said as they walked back into his house. "Thor has a chip, right?"

"Y-yeah," Kate rasped out.

"Okay, hold on—maybe they found him."

Raking her hands back through her hair, Kate paced the kitchen area and tried her best not to panic. Rationally she knew that there was no reason to believe something terrible had happened to Thor. He was a friendly dog who loved people, so it was entirely possible he'd followed someone home and that person had called the shelter about him. Just because he ran off on the road didn't mean that—

No. she wouldn't think that. They were going to find him; he was going to be fine.

Sniffing back some tears, Kate turned to grab herself some water from the refrigerator when she spotted Alexis. The girl had barely walked past the entryway from the garage and hovered beside the door leading to the pantry appearing as though she wished she could disappear into the wall somehow. When she saw a single tear slide down her cheek, her stomach clenched for a completely different reason.

Kate was an adult and no matter how upset she was being an adult meant being the bigger person. Alexis was only six years old; there was no reason for her to bear such a burden particularly when Thor's escape was not her fault.

"Oh, Alexis." Kate dropped to her knees in front of the girl and reached out to take one of her hands. "It's okay."

"No; 's my fault." The girl mumbled.

"No—no it was an accident. Thor could have broken his leash when anyone was walking him, me included."

"But he wouldn't have run away from you!"

"He might have; we don't know that. Most importantly: I don't blame you. I know this was an accident." Truly, she did not blame Alexis. Yes, she was upset, but had never felt ill will towards her. "C'mere," Kate said, reaching out for her, but Alexis turned and ran off before Kate could touch her.

Sighing, Kate pushed herself back into a standing position and retrieved a water bottle from the refrigerator. She took a few sips as she anxiously paced the kitchen for a few moments before she heard Rick's footsteps returning. Spinning around, she was about to ask if the shelter had found her pet, but the look on the writer's face made it clear that they hadn't. "They don't have him?"

"Sorry," he sighed, stopping just a few feet from her. "They haven't had any calls or dogs dropped off all day."

Kate nodded though her bottom lip began to tremble. So much for a nice family finding her pet and trying to return him to his rightful owner.

"Hey, it's okay; we're gonna find him." Rick promised her. Then, without waiting for her response, he slipped one hand around her shoulders to pull her in close. Without even thinking Kate wrapped her arms around his waist and accepted his hug. His hands skimmed her back as he continued to voice his thoughts aloud. "We'll just regroup here and then go out looking some more. We still have plenty of time before sunset and-"

"Dad! Dad! Dad!" Rick's words were cut off by Alexis stampeding into the kitchen calling out for her father.

"What? What?" he asked frantically, pulling himself away from Kate.

"Thor's in the back yard!"

"What!?" Kate spluttered. She sprinted towards the glass patio door, grappled with the handle for a moment, and then charged out into the yard to see what Alexis must have seen from an upstairs window: Thor, with head and tail dropped, trotting up the path leading from the beach to the house's back yard.

"Thor!" Kate proclaimed, half with relief, half in a scolding tone.

He didn't lift his head or his tail, merely slunk past her and continued his way up to the porch where Rick and Alexis were waiting.

"Somebody knows he's in trouble," Rick said, a bit sing-song.

"A lot of trouble," Kate grunted.

Rick merely chuckled and then squeezed his daughter's shoulder. "C'mon. Let's start dinner. Then, after we eat we'll go buy Thor a new leash."

* * *

"Oh man, he still looks _so_ guilty." Rick couldn't help but chuckle as he gazed at the dog laying a few feet away. On a normal evening, Thor would try to nudge his way on to the couch, though Kate always discouraged it. At the very least he would be sitting by their feet. That night, however, he remained under the kitchen table, where he'd settled after they ate. His face was resting on his paws and he gazed over at them with sad eyes.

Kate craned her neck so that she could see him from where she sat with her back to the kitchen. Looking back to her companion, she said pointedly, "He should be guilty after everything he put us through. Thanks again for helping, by the way."

"Of course. He…it kind of feels like he's part of the family." Though he maintained composure initially, as he and Alexis drove up and down the street with windows rolled down calling out for a dog he doubted would come to anyone but his true owner, Rick began to feel more than a little upset. What if Thor didn't return to them that night? Surely Kate wouldn't want to go back to the city without him. Worse, what if something had happened to Thor? Though he never considered himself much of a pet person before meeting Kate, Rick knew he would be very sad if Thor was no longer in their lives if for no other reason than his daughter would be crushed.

Kate sighed heavily and stood from the couch so she could take her empty beer bottle to the kitchen recycling bin. "Well, he's going to be excommunicated if he runs away again. Yeah," Kate dipped her head to gaze down at the dog whose ears had perked when she walked by, "That's right—I'm talking about you."

"Aww." Rick sighed.

"C'mon," Kate said, grabbing the new, bright red leash off the back of one of the kitchen chairs. "Out one last time." Thor obeyed his owner and crawled out from under the kitchen table. He stood patiently while Kate hooked the leash to his collar and then trotted beside her on the way outside.

Rick skimmed his fingers over his chin as he watched them go. Yes, he would have been sad if Thor was no longer in their lives, but as time went on, not having Kate in his life was beginning to grow a bit unfathomable. Now that they were on the brink of August, her spending time with them each weekend felt as natural as it ever had. In his mind, this meant he needed to bite the bullet and broach the subject of a romantic relationship with her, but he still wasn't sure how to go about it.

Earlier that afternoon, when he'd pulled her into a hug believing se was about to cry, was the first time they'd had more physical contact than the casual brush of each other's hand or shoulder as they went about their daily routine. Of course the drought in physical contact was not from Rick's end. He often tried to hug her when dropping her off at her place after a weekend together, but she always darted away or used her grip on Thor's leash and her overnight bag as an excuse. Despite this, he still believed there were other signs she was interested in him romantically, but the situation would require a bit of finesse, which he was still working up the courage to have. It would, after all, be his first post-divorce relationship and he was bound to be rusty.

A few minutes later, Kate and Thor returned to the house. She unhooked his leash and then draped it casually over the back of a chair once more. "Well, I guess I'm gonna…" Her voice drifted off as she thumbed towards the stairs.

"Sure, sure."

She took two steps forward as he rose from the couch and they met in the center of the hall at the edge of the kitchen. She gave him a smile. "Thanks again for today. I was pretty frantic and-"

"No," he promised. "You were reacting as anyone else would have. Don't even worry about it." He reached his arm with the intent to pat her back, but she evidently interpreted the move as him reaching out for a hug, because she ducked under the arm and wound her arms around his waist. Not wanting to waste the opportunity, Rick closed his arms around her shoulders and, without thinking, pressed a kiss onto the top of her head. He felt her tense momentarily and was about to curse himself for being foolish when she slid back and gazed at him from beneath her brow line. She looked— _oh_. Well. She looked as though she was interested in more than just a kiss on the head, but in his out-of-practice state, he couldn't trust his own assessment of her expression. Still, she lingered in his embrace, so he decided to test the waters.

Cautiously, Rick dipped his head and pressed a kiss onto the apple of her cheek. Almost instantly she turned her head and captured his lips in a slightly awkward kiss. Rick pulled back, took a moment to collect himself, and then leaned in again to kiss her and it was— _oh_. Perfect. She felt just as wonderful in his arms as he imagined she would.

"I, ah, um…" Rick stammered a minute later when their lips separated. She gave him a rather amused look and he stepped away from their embrace. He could feel his cheeks flush as he scraped his hand over the back of his neck and confessed, "Ah, shit, I guess I'm kind of bad at this."

She stepped forward again, resting her palms on either side of his waist. "Bad at what?"

"I, ah…" He shivered when he felt her lips against the underside of his jaw. "Well, um, if you-"

"Rick?"

He swallowed hard as she moved her lips further down his throat. "Y-yeah?"

Lifting her head, she smiled at him. "Stop talking," she requested. And then she kissed him.

* * *

 **A/N** : as some of you may have been aware, this site wasn't letting me update until today - enjoy!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Kate Beckett awoke not to the sounds of sirens or traffic on the street, nor did she wake to the sound of birds chirping pleasantly outside her window and the sound of waves crashing in the distance. Instead, she awoke to the sound of a sneeze. To her companion's credit, it was a sneeze he had clearly tried to muffle, but she'd heard it anyway. Opening her eyes slowly, she found him gazing at her with a dopey expression and he whispered, "Sorry." Kate didn't care much about the sneeze, but what she did care about was the fact that the first hints of dawn had begun to creep into the room through the edges of the blinds; morning had come and she was still in bed with Rick Castle.

"Oh, I should…" She let her voice drift off as she scooted towards the edge of the bed, but he reached out and rested his hand on her arm, stopping her progress.

"No don't; it's barely six."

"But Alexis…"

He shut his eyes, stroked her arm with his thumb, and then hummed. "No 's fine; she won't come in here. G'back ta sleep," he mumbled out, sounding as though he was well on his way there himself.

Kate didn't leave the bed, but she doubted she'd be able to go back to sleep now that she was awake at a time around her usual weekday waking hour. Instead, she lay on her side facing him, tucked one hand beneath her head, and watched his eyelids flutter. _Shit._ What was she doing?

One week earlier when they had stood in the hall and Rick had kissed head, she'd practically turned to a stone statue with fear. She wasn't nervous about the fact that he kissed her, but the fact that she welcomed the kiss when she felt it. She'd wanted to be intimate with him and that was downright terrifying. Ever since her mother's murder, she had only a handful of sexual partners. She kept those men at arm's length, calling their couplings a fling or 'acquaintances with benefits.' To that point, she'd avoided sleeping with a man she was actually fond of on an emotional level because it was better that way for everyone, but then Rick happened.

For the most part, she blamed her willingness to sleep with him on Thor. The pup's escape had flipped her world upside-down and put her in a highly emotional state. Normally, she shied away from others when feeling vulnerable, but Rick had been right there and his embrace had been so warm, she hadn't bothered to fight it and told herself it would be a one-time only thing. After, when Rick had drifted off to sleep, she crept back to the guest room and promised herself she'd never sleep with him again.

For the first few days back in the city, Kate didn't hear from Rick and she was happy about that, because it meant he was abiding by their unspoken agreement to leave their night in the past and move forward separately. Then on Thursday evening when they met at the park, he quietly invited her to dinner in the Hamptons the following night so that they could try a new wine he'd discovered. She had opened her mouth almost immediately to say no, but then he gently placed his hand over hers, grazed his thumb across her knuckles, and smiled, so she found herself agreeing instead.

The prior evening, Rick had bribed his daughter with a hot dog and French fries for dinner so that she would go up to her room early. She didn't have to sleep, he told her; reading was acceptable. She just couldn't leave her room unless it was an emergency. She had agreed easily, and right at seven Rick and Kate sat down to their meal of crab cakes, veggies, and wine. As they ate, he thanked her for her patience the prior week and apologized if he appeared awkward or out of practice. When she half-laughed and asked him why he was apologizing for what she considered to be a great night, he confessed that he hadn't been intimate with anyone since his divorce.

Kate felt her chest tighten with guilt at the realization that perhaps he had thought of their evening as more than an isolated event. "The thing is, Rick," she had explained, choosing her words carefully. "I'm still so swamped at work I honestly do not have the time to dedicate to a relationship. I, um, I guess I just thought last weekend was a bit of summer vacation fun."

"Well," he said, skimming his hand across the table so that he could grasp her fingers with his, " _technically_ it is still summer."

She had merely smiled and let him lead her to his bedroom.

Though she still remained uncertain about whether or not their continued intimate activities were a good idea, she felt better knowing she had once again been very clear with Rick on where she stood. She did not intend to get emotionally attached and she hoped he wouldn't either knowing that once summer was over their relationship would come to a natural end. Until that point, however, she would share his bed as often as he liked, particularly after discovering some of his many beneath-the-sheets talents. The ex-wife that cheated on him really must have been an idiot.

Despite believing she would stay awake, Kate found herself startling back to consciousness and opening her eyes to find not only that the room was much brighter, but that the writer was awake too and he was watching her sleep with a smile on his face. Instantly, Kate felt her entire body blush.

"Morning."

"Morning," she said, not quite matching his dopey grin, for her heart was still fluttering under the intensity of his gaze. "Guess I should go now."

"I think we have another minute or two." He reached out to brush over her cheek with his thumb, which sent tingles down her spine. God, she really needed to get out of that bed or they'd be going for round three.

"No, I should get up. It's supposed to rain later today, so I should take Thor on a long walk before it gets too wet," she said using what she believed to be a believable not to mention factual excuse.

He scrunched his nose. "Before breakfast? We have time to eat first. Then, Alexis can go with you—if you don't mind I mean? She can get some of her energy out too."

She chuckled. "Why are little kids and dogs so similar?"

He sighed in the all-knowing way only a father could. "I ask myself that a lot. At least she's not a boy—they you could only tell them apart by the fur."

"Not the tail?" Kate asked with amusement.

The writer thought for a moment then said, "Okay, yeah—the tail, too."

Rolling her eyes, Kate pushed herself towards the edge of the mattress. "Okay, okay—breakfast, then a walk."

XXXXX

"Oh my goodness! It's so windy!" Alexis trudged forward on the beach with her body leaning forward at an angle making it look as though she was approaching a hurricane instead of a stronger than normal sea breeze.

"You cold, kiddo?" Kate asked, knowing that neither of them had jackets on as the morning was rather muggy. Beneath her arm she had tucked two beach towels in case they decided to sit as Thor romped around the sand. She handed Alexis one of them.

"Not cold, but I'll use this!"

"For what?"

"A cape!" The young girl unfolded the towel and then flung it out behind her as she ran towards the lapping waves. Because of the wind and her moderate speed, the towel did flutter briefly behind her, but then it fell limp against her legs and became tangled in between them.

"Here, what about this." Kate walked over to Alexis and turned the towel so that she held the longer end of the rectangle not the short one. It didn't look as much like a cape, but it would also be less bottom-heavy. Alexis gripped on to the sides again and began running around in a circle, jumping every few feet and proclaiming, "I'm flying!"

Kate laughed. "Almost, but you'd better watch out if the breeze gets any stronger."

"C'mon Kate! Fly with me!"

The elder woman hesitated for a few moments, but then shrugged to herself, threw the towel around her shoulders and began chasing Alexis as they ran around in a circle. Soon, Thor joined in the fun, weaving in between them, barking, and kicking up sand as he went. After a few minutes of running, Kate slowed down, suddenly finding herself breathless; running on sand was much more difficult than on a treadmill!

"C'mon Kate!" Alexis called out again and Kate tried to join up after her, but her calves were burning, so she simply stood in the middle of their circle, threw her arms up over her head and let Thor and Alexis run around her. She laughed as the wind combed the hair back from her face and pulled the towel-cape out behind her. It really had been quite some time since she'd let go like that.

Not a moment later she was grounded back to reality when she heard Alexis call out, "Dad! Come fly with us!"

"Fly? I think I left my wings back in the house, pumpkin."

Kate lowered her arms and turned to face the man making his way down the beach path. Hearing his voice, Thor barreled towards him and jumped up, putting his paws on the man's stomach as he yipped. "Whoa, down boy," Rick said, grabbing onto the dogs legs and gently moving him away.

"Thor!" Kate scolded. "No jumping."

"He's fine," Rick promised, shooting her a smile. "I see you guys are having plenty of fun out here. Ready to come inside? The news says it'll start storming soon."

"Aw man!" Alexis groaned.

"But I thought we'd play board games and make popcorn. You like that, right?"

The girl sighed and thrust her towel-cape into her father's arms as she stalked back up the sand. "I guess. C'mon Thor."

Rick merely shrugged before looking at Kate and offering, "Board games?"

As she always had a good time playing with the Castle clan, Kate nodded easily. "Lead the way."

XXXXXX

Rick sat in his office, tapping away at the keys on his computer keyboard, crafting Storm's latest escape from nefarious villains. A moment of positive brilliance—if he did say so himself—had struck while he was cooking dinner. He'd jotted down a few notes on a tablet he kept in the kitchen for such moments of inspiration, but he had not been able to sit down at his computer and flesh out the scene until his daughter had gone to bed.

As he continued to craft the moment, he was interrupted by the chirping of his cell phone. He groaned at the interruption and almost didn't even glance at the device as he didn't really care who was texting him when he was swept up in the moment. He did look at it though, and was pleasantly surprised to see the message was from Kate. She typically did not contact him during the week unless it was to schedule a meetup for them and Thor at the park, but they'd already agreed to meet the following day. Thinking she might be canceling for whatever reason, he opened the message.

 _Sorry to bother you but mind if I stop by?_

Instantly deciding that Storm could wait, he texted back, _Not at all_.

 _Great. See you in 5_ , was her reply.

Rick placed the phone back down on his desk and continued to type out a few more paragraphs until he heard a knock at his apartment door. He saved the document he was working on and then closed his laptop. On his way towards the door, he skimmed his fingers over his chin and wondered why Kate was gracing his presence that evening.

Three weeks earlier when they'd tumbled into bed for the first time, Rick wasn't entirely sure what outcome he expected. As it was his first time with a woman since the dissolution of his marriage, he was slightly nervous, not wanting to be rejected once again by a woman who cared more for herself than for him. He knew Kate was not nearly as selfish as Meredith; that much was obvious after their first dinner together, but still he was concerned.

As their couplings continued, she insisted that she wanted to maintain something only casual—a summer fling, she had called it. He was fine with that, as jumping into something serious right away was not his intent. The thing of it was, though: they were serious. They spent their weekends together at his vacation home with his daughter and her dog. Their conversations were growing more intimate and though he could still tell she was hiding something personal, it became less noticeable because she seemed so relaxed around him. More and more it seemed like they were a couple and he couldn't have been happier about it because she simply fit; it was like she had always been with them.

"Hey, how are you?" Rick greeted Kate with a smile when he opened his apartment door. The smile immediately dropped off his face when he saw her scowl. "Oh—what is it."

"Just…work." She threw up her hands and then dropped them down to her sides with exasperation as she stepped through the door. Thor trotted in at her heels, waited patiently for his leash to be unclipped from his collar, and then he went over to lie in his usual spot beside the couch.

Rick gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Rough day?"

"Yes." She growled. Pacing the entryway, she told the story with more animated hand motions than he'd ever seen her use before.

"So there's this guy—a partner at the firm. Total D-bag. I mean, all of them are d-bags for the most part, but this guy is the cream of the crop. I usually don't work cases with him, but one of his people quit suddenly—not at all shocking—and…anyway, long story short, I've been working this case with him. I can't really go into detail, but basically: he screwed something up and then blamed me for messing it up. Not only did he call me out for this alleged infraction in front of the client, but he then acted like I was a silly little girl without a law degree who didn't even know how to produce appropriate documentation—and it was his mistake— _his!"_

Rick frowned. "Did you confront him afterwards?"

"Yes. Even though I was mad, I tried to be really nice and politely point out that the thing he forgot to do was actually in my coversheet notes as a reminder and he just said, 'I don't think so; I looked at those, but, hey, we all make mistakes.' Uggghhh!" She growled again.

"I'm sorry that happened, but it doesn't sound like you'll face any demerits or anything for it, will you?"

She shook her head. "No, it'll be fine…except for his smugness. Asshole."

Rick stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, which she reciprocated despite the fact that he could feel how much tension she still held in her back and shoulders. Though he had never faced a similar situation, he had run across many arrogant lawyers in his time and felt similarly disgusted by them. "Well, I am sorry. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"Yes—have sex with me."

Not anticipating her bluntness, Rick let out a breathy chuckle. He thought she might have been joking, but when he slid out of their hug he saw she wore a very serious expression. "Oh; you're not kidding."

She shook her head briefly. "No, I want to have sex and I want to be on top. Is that a problem?"

"Nope," he said, thinking that she was probably going to be more aggressive than she'd ever been before—not that he was complaining. Actually, the prospect was a bit thrilling.

"Good." With the sharp nod of her head, she reached down to grab his hand and began pulling him towards the bedroom; he didn't hesitate to follow.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Okay," Rick said as he picked up the plastic-wrapped cheese and meat tray sitting on his kitchen counter. He turned around and gazed back at the two women, one of whom carried two bags of tortilla chips, and smiled at them both. "Are we ready?"

"We're _starving_ ," Alexis emphasized dramatically; Kate nodded in agreement. Two p.m. was a rather awkward time to have a potluck neighborhood lunch. Though they'd all had a piece of fruit as a snack around eleven, her stomach was also growling, so she could only imagine how hungry the little girl was, but they'd be eating soon enough.

"Okay, okay; we're going." Rick took one step towards the back door, when his path was blocked by a perky-eared pup with a wagging tail. Gazing down at him, the man tilted his head to the side and said, "Sorry buddy; this party is only for those of us that walk on two legs."

Thor whined and Kate scolded him with, "No begging!" But the words had barely left her mouth before Rick snuck his fingers under the tray's plastic wrap and he tossed the dog a square of cheddar cheese. Thor caught it in his mouth and instantly wagged his tail looking for more, but Kate held strong. "No. Go lay down."

"Aww bye Thor," Alexis sighed before the trio headed out the back door for their trek up the beach toward their party.

When Rick had first invited Kate to the Hamptons on Labor Day weekend, Kate had hesitated, though not entirely because of her rule of maintaining appropriate distance. In speaking about what events typically took place over that weekend, he spoke about their annual Sunday afternoon end-of-summer barbeque and how much fun it always was. Knowing how extravagant the houses were on Rick's street, Kate wasn't sure that she felt comfortable attending an event with the Hamptons elite, but Rick assured her it would be fine, so she'd agreed to go.

Arriving at the home of the Sampson's, both doctors in the city, though she didn't know in what field, Kate's nerves returned and she began to feel wildly out of place. From the snippets of conversation she heard, Kate could tell these were all the type of people who hung out at country clubs, played tennis regularly, and had monthly budgets approximately the size of her annual income. Growing up with two lawyers as parents, Kate had never been one to feel comfortable around those with wealth, but the wealth she was used to was more of an Upper-Middle-Class type wealth; Hamptons money seemed to be an entirely different ballgame.

Trailing behind Alexis and Rick, Kate smiled and politely nodded to everyone they passed, though none seemed very interested in her, until they finally reached the table of food pushed up against the house under the porch overhang. She put the bags of chips along with the other bagged foods and then helped Rick rearrange the existing dishes so there would be a spot large enough for their cheese tray.

"Ricky! There you are!"

"Hi Evelyn; so nice to see you. You had a good summer, I trust?"

"Oh, you know, busy per usual."

Kate hung back and watched as Rick greeted the tanned woman wearing a pastel yellow sheath dress. He kissed her on both cheeks and then squeezed her hand before stepping back and reaching out for his daughter. "You remember my daughter Alexis. And this," Rick paused to look behind him and gesture Kate forward, "is my girlfriend, Kate."

Had Kate not already been in motion, she was sure the cement that immediately formed in her feet would have prevented her from shaking Evelyn's hand. Fortunately, she had already been leaning forward and managed to provide a passable greeting. Inside, however, she was horrorstruck.

 _My girlfriend, Kate_. Girlfriend!?

Oh no. Oh god, no. Her worst fears were coming true. She'd become too careless and gotten too close to Rick. She'd somehow led him to believe that they could be romantic partners for the long term and that was the absolute last thing that could happen.

God, it was all her fault; completely and one hundred percent her fault. Rick had been so kind and sweet and their lovemaking so incredible that she hadn't wanted to push him away, but by doing so she'd misled him and thus would ultimately hurt him when he found out the truth and that was completely on her. She'd been such a fool!

Spending every weekend with him. Letting Thor sleep in Alexis's room. Sharing meals and bottles of wine. Snuggling against his body on those cooler, end-of-summer nights. No matter how much she told herself that she was keeping herself at enough of a distance so that it would be clear where they stood, deep down she's always known that was untrue, but selfishly she'd ignored that part of herself and now she had to face the consequences. Worse: so did Rick.

"Kate? Hey, Kate?"

"Wha—oh sorry." She apologized quickly when she realized Rick had been trying to get her attention.

"You looked like you were a million miles away. Everything okay?"

"Uh huh," she lied.

"Okay…well, do you want a beer?"

"Uh…no just water for now, thanks." When he handed her the bottle she took it with a thank you and then drifted towards the edge of the porch so she could stare out towards the ocean and wonder what the hell she was going to do next.

* * *

"Well, the munchkin passed out—barely made it through brushing her teeth. Guess I should make her play with a dozen kids more often, right?"

Kate offered her companion a feeble smile as he joined her on the back porch of her home. She sat on one of the lounge chairs with her feet tucked up on the seat, arms banded around her shins. Thor sat protectively at her feet, though raised his head and thumped his tail when Rick approached. The writer sat down on the chaise beside her, sipped his wine, and gave the dog a brief scratch behind the ears.

"Are you okay, Kate? You've been really quiet since the party."

Kate felt her stomach flip. Of course the ever-observant man would notice her withdrawn attitude. She'd barely had any appetite, hadn't partaken in any alcoholic beverages, and barely said more than a dozen words to him. In fact, her longest conversation was with Alexis as they walked back from the party and the girl told her about all the kids she played with, but mostly that was just saying, "Oh really?" and, "That's great!" on repeat.

"Um, no." She slowly unfolded her legs and leaned forward as her heart began slamming against her ribcage. "No; I'm not really okay."

He tilted his head to the side as a look of genuine concern crossed his face. "Why? What's wrong? Did something happen at the party?"

"Kind of. You, um…you were introducing me as…as your girlfriend and, um," she swallowed hard and tucked some hair behind her ears. "I'm sorry but I'm not okay with that."

"Oh." The writer's brow rose and he leaned away from her. "Well I…oh. I mean, I know we hadn't talked about it officially so maybe I jumped the gun a little bit but-"

"No." She felt her bottom lip began to quiver as her eyes burned with tears, but she refused to cry; that would only make it worse. Clearing her throat, Kate stood and folded her arms tightly over her chest. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

His brow knit together. "What does that mean?"

"I…" Her voice cracked and she shook her head, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth as she tried to collect herself. "I'm so sorry—this is my fault; completely my fault. I take full responsibility for all of it and if you want to hate me, I don't blame you, not at all."

"Kate," Rick said, standing up so he was eye level with her. "What's going on? What are you talking about?"

"I shouldn't…I know I…I knew— _I knew_ —this was more than just a summer fling to you, but I just didn't want it to end, so I ignored it and I—I'm so sorry." Two fat tears dripped down the sides of her face and she quickly brushed them away.

"But you…" The hurt began to creep into his expression as he shook his head. "You're here with us every weekend and you seem to be enjoying your time here-"

"I am! I do!"

"So why…I don't understand."

"I know, I know." She gulped back some more tears, cursing herself for the hurt she saw reflected in her eyes. "Truly, I am so sorry. This isn't…It's not because I don't care for you or Alexis. I do—so much, but that's why. That's why I can't… I just can't."

She turned to walk away from him, but he reached out to grab her arm. Instinctually, she snapped it back and yelled, "Don't!" to him, certain she could not bear his touch, for it would only make it harder to walk away from him. At her sharp tone, Thor popped to his feet, lowered his head, and stared cautiously at Rick.

"But Kate, I—whoa!" He yelped when he moved forward and Thor let out a menacing growl. Rick staggered back, defensively lifting up the hand not holding his wine goblet; Thor growled again.

"Thor; down." Kate commanded her pet. There was no need for Thor to go on the offence, for she knew she was not in danger; Rick would never hurt her physically. When the dog didn't move, she commanded him again. "Thor; down!" and he obeyed, though he kept a watchful eye on rick. Turning her eyes back to the pained looking writer she said, "Sorry," specifically referring to her pet.

He stared at her for a moment and then shook his head. "I just don't understand. This is all because I called you my girlfriend? If you're not ready to be formal about things then-"

"No; I can't. I'll never be." She insisted. Then, as his expression grew more distraught, her heart throbbed beneath her ribs and she added softly, "I'm so sorry, but I can't; it just…it isn't safe."

"Safe?" he echoed and she jolted, not having been entirely aware of the words she was confessing.

"No, I—I didn't mean." She quickly corrected until she slowly began backing away from him, knowing their conversation needed to end before she broke down entirely. "I'm so sorry, Rick; so sorry."

With that, she turned and hurried into the house with Thor close at her heels; she never once looked back.

* * *

By the time Rick pulled his Mercedes into the underground garage of his apartment, his stomach was tied in at least two dozen knots, which was far worse than the one dozen he woke up with that morning. Well, got out of bed with; he really hadn't slept that much the night before. For several hours he'd tossed and turned. His mind racing through all the moments he and Kate shared, trying to figure out why he hadn't seen the signs. Yes, she was reserved and kept many personal details to herself, but was that really the reason? Was that really the explanation?

He dozed off at one point, but then awoke to stare at the empty side of the bed and all those feelings of shock and uncertainty returned. Then, somewhere around three a.m. a key part of her statement from the night before hit him and had him staring at the ceiling until the first hints of sunlight.

"… _it isn't safe_."

Safe? What in the hell did that mean?

He intended on asking her as early as was appropriate the following morning, but she had used near-criminal level evasive tactics from the moment his feet hit the floor. She took Thor on a long walk, hid away in the spare bedroom, and appeared far too interested in playing games with Alexis until they were ready to pile into the car and make the long, traffic-filed drive back to the city. Typically, as she sat in the front passenger seat, they conversed as they drove, but she put headphones on almost immediately, and thus his only company was the soft hum of the radio.

Rick simply could not understand where it had all gone wrong. He truly did not believe that Kate was a cruel or manipulative person. The feelings she had for him were real, but why would she have gotten so close to him if she had always intended to leave at the end of the summer? Worse, why had she gotten so close to Alexis? He knew he played a part in it, insisting again and again that she join them for the weekend even when she seemed hesitant, but he just thought she was shy and he was only trying to make her feel more comfortable. Now, his heart was broken, and Alexis was bound to be upset when he told her that Kate was leaving their lives. Worse: when he told her that Thor was leaving, too.

"I hope you have a good first day back to school, Alexis," he heard Kate say as they all began to exit the vehicle.

"Yeah right," he heard his daughter groan.

On his way to the trunk, he reached out for the rear passenger door to let Thor out as he usually did, but then paused before his hand could close around the handle. The dog gazed at him steadily from inside the car and Rick pulled his hand back. He didn't believe Thor would bite or attack him without provocation, but the prior night had made it very clear just how protective the Shepherd was of his owner, so Rick remained wary and decided let Kate retrieve her pet.

"See you, Alexis."

"Bye Kate."

"Alexis," Rick said quietly as he pulled their bags from the trunk. "Please go wait by the elevators; I'll be just a minute."

"Okay, Dad."

Once she was gone, he shouldered his bag and his daughters and then held out the black duffel of the woman now strangling a red dog leash between her hands. "Thanks," she mumbled from him as she took the bag. She turned to walk towards the garage's exit, when he stopped her by saying, "Wait please."

She turned around with a hesitant look on her face, but said nothing. They stared at each other for several moments before he shrugged and said, "So this is it, huh?"

She mirrored his shrug. "Guess so."

Rick's stomach rolled in his gut, his chest filling with a mixture of the agony and bitterness of rejection. "I'm just trying to understand. What…what did you mean when you said it wasn't safe?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, Rick. I just…I wasn't making any sense. I really am sorry for this, ah, misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding," he echoed, wincing at the way the word singed his soul. He very much doubted any of their trysts beneath the sheets had involved any _misunderstanding_ , but if that's how she needed to describe it to herself…

A single tear fell from her left eye and she twisted away from him almost as though she was trying to hide it. "Sorry, Rick; I'm so sorry," she mumbled. Then, with that, she tugged on Thor's leash and disappeared behind a parked SUV.

Rick stood still, watching the spot she walked off towards for almost a full minute half expecting her to come back and provide him with something—anything—that might explain her bizarre behavior over the prior twenty-four hours, but she never did. Instead, his staring was interrupted by an echoing, "Dad!" being called out from his daughter several hundred feet away.

"Ah, yeah," he said gruffly, clearing his throat to get rid of any evidence of emotion. Shutting the trunk, he locked the car and then walked towards his daughter saying, "I'm coming, sweetheart; let's go unpack."

* * *

 **A/N:** First, sorry for the update confusion - somehow the first chapter's formatting was crazy so i had to delete it and try again.

Second...sorry (but not really sorry) for the angst :)


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** i think alerts were spotty this weekend so I'm not sure everyone was alerted about Ch 7 FYI

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

"Alexis? What's the matter, pumpkin? Don't you want to play with the Frisbee anymore?"

Though he had been standing across the grassy area from his daughter to give them ample throwing room, Rick walked a few steps closer to see what was wrong. They had been tossing the bright orange flying disc back and forth for about ten minutes when all of a sudden she stopped and began gazing around the park with the Frisbee clutched loosely in one of her hands. Rick had to walk within touching distance of Alexis before she turned around and sadly concluded, "They're not coming."

"What's that?" he asked since she had been mumbling.

Alexis lifted her chin slightly and gazed at her father with sadness in her blue eyes. "Kate and Thor—they're not coming."

Rick frowned and let out a huff of a breath. "No, I suppose they're not."

Give how things ended between them Rick was not at all shocked that they hadn't seen the young lawyer or her pup in nearly two weeks. From the way they parted, he very much doubted they would ever see each other again—at least, not purposefully. The possibly of them bumping into each other on Broome Street remained, of course, but beyond that they probably would not see one another.

If he had to guess, he imagined that Kate had been purposely taking her pet to a different park for the sole purpose of avoiding him. On one hand, this thought made Rick very angry. If she didn't want to be with him romantically, that was fine. Sure, it was unexpected, and seemed a bit unfair to him, springing the notion on him so suddenly and finally, but he would get over. Alexis, however, did not deserve to be punished. On the other hand, Rick knew for certain that the sudden split was best for both of them; this way they could both move on without any complications. Still, every time he saw the sadness in his daughter's eyes, he wondered if it really was for the best or not.

"But why aren't they coming to play with us?"

"Sweetheart," Rick paused to crouch down so he was more eye-level with her. "We don't know what Kate's work schedule is like right now; she could be very busy with her cases."

"Can't you ask her? Maybe we can just borrow Thor—he must be so bored in Kate's apartment!"

Rick considered this for a moment as his daughter did seem to have a valid point. Could they borrow the dog for an hour or so, let him run around the park and return him to Kate? He certainly would have no problem with that, but he wasn't sure she would be willing. He didn't believe she thought them untrustworthy; it was simply an extension of the fact that she seemed to want to cut ties entirely. Still, when his little girl asked for something that seemed entirely reasonable Rick always found himself struggling to say no.

"I have no doubt that Thor misses you as much as you miss him, but we don't know that he's cooped up in Kate's apartment; maybe her schedule simply changed and she's unable to come out at this time of the evening. Lawyers do work long hours and…and that's Kate's job; we have to respect that."

Despite the fact that the reasoning was not entirely truthful, Rick had decided to stick with Kate's profession as his main explanation to Alexis as far as why she was no longer a part of their lives—at least, for the time being. Being that she was not quite eight years old, she was still far too young to understand certain things, so of course he needed to tell little white lies now and then for her safety and wellbeing. This was not exactly one of those times. He could have told Alexis the truth, but as he was still trying to work through what happened with the dissolution of their relationship, he didn't want to deliver that news quite yet—not until he was more confident in his understanding of how everything fell apart and thus more prepared to answer her inevitable series of questions.

Alexis let out a heavy sigh and rounded her shoulders. "Okay."

Rick leaned in and kissed her head before slipping the Frisbee out of her hands. "So what do you say? A few more rounds? Or do you want to go home?"

"Home."

"Okay."

* * *

Later that evening, after he'd put Alexis to bed and returned to his office, Rick intended to work on the final chapters of his novel, but instead found himself staring at his cell phone and not the computer screen. How bad of an idea would it be if he asked Kate to bring Thor to the park so he and Alexis could play? If he wanted to move past his feelings for her, it was certainly not a good idea, but sacrificing his own preferences for the good of his child was simply part of parenting. If he and Kate could simply return to the very casual rapport they had when they first met a little over a year earlier, he could definitely put his feelings aside and soon they could go back to being acquaintances with no romantic feelings.

Though he still wasn't sure if it was the best idea, Rick picked up his cell phone and pulled up his text message chain with Kate. Before he could type out a new message, however, his eyes began skimming over their last exchange from the Thursday before Labor Day. They had been texting back and forth about what time he'd be picking her up the following day. As he'd been missing her company in his bed, his texts contained a few innuendos and much to his surprise, she'd flirted right back.

Dropping his phone again, Castle skimmed his hand over his chin and wondered for the hundredth time: what the hell happened?

On the last night they were together before their breakup, they'd made love twice, talking and laughing in-between. That night had been just as wonderful as all the others; Kate had even seemed as relaxed as she'd ever been. The simple fact that he'd perhaps prematurely introduced her as his girlfriend did not explain why everything had fallen apart so quickly.

Again and again Rick came back to Kate's statement, "It's not safe." He very much doubted it was a nonsensical slip of the tongue in a moment of emotional upheaval, but he could not for the life of him figure out what she could have meant. If she was in danger of some kind, the fact that she was withdrawn when they first met did make sense, but if she truly felt unsafe, why had she drawn herself close to him at all? Even if their first night together could have been brushed off as a result of an emotional day, why had she continued to sleep with him?

Despite the fact that he feared he would never receive the answers to these questions, Rick's desire to make his little girl happy won out and he picked up his phone once more. After rewording his message several times, he finally settled on, _Alexis really misses Thor. Would it be possible for us to meet at the park sometime next week?_

Though he struggled to focus, Rick did return to his work on Storm's adventures. For nearly an hour he edited, reworded, rearranged, and tweaked the story's penultimate chapter until his phone chirped so unexpectedly that he jumped. Gazing down, he saw Kate had responded to his message.

 _I'm not sure if that's a good idea_.

"No kidding," he said aloud before typing back, _I understand that, but I'd ask you not to punish Alexis because I somehow upset you_.

 _You didn't upset me_ , she responded instantly. _I just don't want to give you the wrong impression anymore._

Grunting slightly, he responded. _You've made it very clear how you feel; it won't be a problem on my end_.

Several minutes passed before she finally said, _Okay. How about Wednesday evening?_

 _Works for us. Thanks_. He responded.

Then, he leaned back in his seat with his hand covering his mouth; still not sure he was making the right decision.

* * *

Sitting on her couch with her legs tucked underneath her, Kate gazed down at her phone as she chewed on her bottom lip. A play date with Alexis and Rick was surely a terrible idea, but Rick had been correct; Alexis and Thor shouldn't have to face the fallout from their parents dissolving their relationship. It wasn't fair to them and something like this was all part of being an adult—as awful as that was sometimes.

When she heard her pet whine softly, Kate gazed down. Thor had been lying beside her feet giving her the most tragic expression she'd ever seen—except, perhaps, for the one he'd given her the night before that…and the night before that. Each time she came home from work and reached for his leash, he would prance up to her with his tail wagging, intent on leading the way towards their park. And each and every time she tugged on his leash, pulling him in the opposite direction towards their new park, both his head and his tail dropped and he trudged along behind her as though she was taking him to be neutered again.

They wouldn't linger in the new park, only stay long enough to get a little bit of energy out and for Thor to do his business, but every time they would pass a child Thor would stop walking and glance up at her almost as though he was asking where his pint-sized friend was. Rationally, Kate knew this was crazy and that dogs most likely did not have the capacity to think along those lines, but his reaction came nearly every time they passed a kid; it was amazing.

When she'd received Rick's text that evening, she purposely didn't answer it right away, as she wanted time to collect her thoughts. As she sat on her couch sipping red wine contemplating the pros and cons of accepting or declining the invitation, Thor got out of his dog bed and began creeping ever-close to her. This was not entirely uncommon in the evenings, particularly if he wanted scratched, but the fact that he was whining softly was uncommon. (Typically, if he wanted scratched he would merely stare at her intently and if she didn't pet him, he would lick her hand until she gave in.) Again, she knew it was crazy, but it was almost like somehow he knew.

In the end, the encouragement of her pet made Kate agree to the date, but she promised herself that if things became too weird or awkward, the evening would be a one-time event and Alexis and Thor would simply have to learn to live without one another. Still, she knew that would bring them sadness, and that burden would be hers to bear alone.

Stupid—she had been so stupid. Stupid and selfish. She'd been so lonely for so long she only thought about how nice it was to have companionship, when really with each moment in their presence she was putting them more and more in danger. She had no way of knowing when or how her mother's killers would show up again in her life. Hell, it could have been as simple as Rick getting into a fender-bender on his way in or out of Manhattan. Then she would once again be on their radar and she simply couldn't risk it, not with the possibility of the Castles getting into their crosshairs.

At the time she hadn't realized it, but ultimately she herself had become more of a danger to them than the masked killers, for her actions had been the ones that broke Rick's heart. And, really, what had she gained? A month of fun, sure, but in the aftermath she felt even lonelier than before. She had given herself a glimpse of what having a full life would be like, only that was the one thing she could never have.

As a few tears slipped out of her eyes, Kate decided she simply could not go to bed without attempting to assuage her guilt. Though she knew almost nothing would make her feel better, she typed back, _I really am sorry I hurt you, Rick_. Then, she placed her phone on its charger, shut off the lights in her apartment, and climbed into bed—alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Thor! Thor!"

The dog yelped and began tugging at his leash the moment he heard the voice of his human best friend. Kate could barely keep her grip on her end as he tugged and pulled, furiously trying to get close to the red-headed girl.

"Okay, buddy, okay; hang on." Kate huffed as she struggled to keep control of the dog while they crossed the final sidewalk to get into the park. Once on the grassy area, she knelt down and unclipped the lead from Thor's collar; he sprinted off instantly.

"HI Thor!" Alexis giggled as the dog jumped up and began to lick her face. He circled her body three times, barking and wagging his tail frantically as he went. From behind her back, Alexis procured a brilliant yellow ball and held it out in front of her. The dog immediately stopped prancing and stared with deep concentration. Alexis squeezed the ball and it made a squeaking noise; Thor barked. "I got you a new ball, Thor; go get it! Go get the ball!" With as much strength as she could muster, Alexis heaved the ball towards the other side of the grassy area and Thor took off after it.

"Can't say he's not excited." Rick commented as he stepped up beside Kate.

She forced out a laugh. In truth, Thor would have been excited over a new ball no matter who presented it to him, but the joy she saw in him and all over Alexis's face was certainly heartwarming. They stood together and watched the playing duo for a moment before Rick gestured towards the nearest empty bench and started walking. Kate followed a few steps behind.

"Thanks for this, by the way," Rick said as they walked.

"Are you kidding? It's great—he'll sleep all the way 'til morning after this." Her comment tried to keep the theme of their conversation light and uncomplicated—just as she wanted their meet-up to be. This would be their second play session since their breakup and she'd only agreed to this one since the first had gone so well.

A week earlier they had met at the park, Alexis and Thor had played for forty minutes, each of them clearly thrilled to be back in one another's presence. Meanwhile, Kate had sat on a bench reading through her case notes. Rick had only sat beside her for a few minutes and then he took a phone call and stood off to the side before joining the play for the last ten minutes. It hadn't been awkward per-say, though it was certainly less friendly than their interactions before their romantic relationship imploded. At that point, they were acting as though they were barely more than strangers, but Kate couldn't exactly say that she minded. That was simply how they had to be so they could both move on.

Rick sat down on the bench and gestured for her to do the same. She sat, though purposefully over a foot away from him. "How've you been?" he asked her in a tone so polite an innocent observer would have had no idea that she'd ripped his heart out not quite a month earlier.

"Um, okay. Busy at work again since I was assigned to a new case. You?"

"Good, good. Sent the last set of chapters for my latest to Black Pawn so I'm done for now—until the editor returns it after using the Red Pen of Doom."

She offered a small smile. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

He merely shrugged and leaned back against the bench. "We'll see."

They sat in silence for another minute before Kate said, "You, um, don't have to sit here with me, you know. I mean, I understand if you don't want to be anywhere near me."

He gazed over at her, a little bit sad and frustrated. "That's the problem: I do want to be near you."

Kate was about to open her mouth and explain to him that his wish was an impossibility, but then she thought better of it. There was no sense in rehashing their past argument, especially when it would provide no other outcome. Instead, it would only upset one or both of them and there was no need for that. Unfortunately for Kate, she felt similarly about wanting to be near the person beside her which sent her once again down into a spiral of regret for her actions over the summer.

In the wake of being close to Rick and Alexis, everything about Kate's life had begun to feel like a taunting joke; she felt as alone as ever. True, she still had Thor, and he was the best companion she could have ever hoped for, but as much as she thought he understood her sometimes, Thor couldn't talk back. He couldn't put his arm around her and assure her that everything was going to be alright. He couldn't put a smile on her face with a call or a text while she was on her eleventh hour of work.

Prior to interacting with the Castle family, Kate had never taken much notice to families she saw at the park or passed on the streets of the city. Only on rare occasion would she take note of them, but it was mostly because something amusing they were doing, or perhaps something cute a small child was doing, though in all honesty she noticed dogs more than children. Now, though, she noticed everyone and it was with an emotion that had been unfamiliar to her as of late: jealousy.

Why did that smiling, happy couple holding hands as they passed have to be so smiling and happy? Why couldn't she have such feelings? Why had her mother been murdered? Why had she been a witness? When she passed families, her thoughts were similar. She wondered what it would truly be like to be alone for the rest of her days. Since, presumably, her mother's killers were at least 10-15 years older than her would she finally be able to settle down in her fifties or sixties, knowing that the mean after her were probably too aged to act on their threats?

One thing she knew for certain, however: if she ever chose to get involved with a man again, she had to be certain that man was without children. Putting another's life in danger was never something she wanted, but the life of a child? That was one mistake she would certainly never repeat.

"Hey, um, I think I'm going to get something to drink from that coffee shop over there," Rick said, thumbing towards the shop on the street corner behind them. "Want anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine, thanks."

"Would you mind keeping an eye on Alexis for a few minutes?"

"Not at all."

He nodded. "Thanks; I'll be back in a few."

Once he'd begun to walk away, Kate turned her attention towards the playing duo and smiled. At least they were having a blast. Seeing as they were drawing ever-nearer to the colder months of the year, she doubted Thor and Alexis had more than a dozen outdoor play sessions left that year. Despite how excited her dog clearly was every time he saw the red-headed girl, Kate silently hoped that once their playdates faded away in the fall, they didn't pick back up in the spring. Using winter as a clean break would simply be best for all of them; she was sure of it.

* * *

Strolling through the park on that beautiful Saturday morning, Rick sipped gingerly on his still-hot coffee and thought about what a beautiful day it was. Without a cloud in the sky, the air had that perfect fall crispness that made him want to sit outside in the park all day and write…except he didn't really have anything to write. True, he could always start on his next Storm novel, but he didn't like to write those too closely back-to-back since he never felt at his freshest right after the marathon that was finishing a novel. Puttering around with something new was always an option, but unfortunately, with his latest pet project, a fierce lawyer named Nikki Heat, things hadn't ended up the way he hoped, so perhaps taking a break from writing was for the best. At least he could watch his daughter play; that always made him happy.

As he approached the bench on which Kate sat, Rick's eyes scanned the grassy area for his daughter and the dog. As a family passed through the center of the area he finally spotted her, kneeling down as she and Thor played tug-o-war with a red Frisbee. Rick silently hoped that the Frisbee was one Kate provided and not one Thor had snatched from another child, or dog.

"Go! Go get it Thor!" He heard her giggle once she finally freed the disc from his mouth and tossed it; Thor took off in a sprint.

Rick was barely two feet from returning to his prior bench seat when something peculiar caught his eye. From his far left side he could see a figure running at full-tilt. As that figure neared, he realized it was a man, who also carried two purses: one slung over his right shoulder and the other grasped in his right hand. Strange. Rick tried to think of an explanation as to why a man would be running carrying two women's handbags, when it hit him: the man was a thief!

Before he could open his mouth and attempt to respond, the sprinting man barreled through the center of the park unbeknownst to Alexis who was bending over holding out her hands to take the Frisbee when Thor returned it. At the exact moment the thief passed her, Alexis began to rotate around, inadvertently causing a collision. She fell back on her rear, but the man only stumbled and kept running.

"God! Alexis!" Rick called out, instantly dropping his coffee and taking of running towards his child. His eyes were so focused on Alexis and whether or not she was still moving that he failed to remember the dog until he heard Kate shout, "Thor! Come, Thor!" but he couldn't even think about the dog until he knew Alexis was safe.

"Alexis! Sweetheart are you-"

"I'm fine." She grunted and sat up, revealing grass stained palms. Rick dropped to his knees at her side and pulled a napkin out of his pocket. He began to wipe her palms, but of course there was no way a dry napkin could remove the stains. When he noticed that her fingers were trembling, he asked again if she was okay. "I'm fine," she repeated, then, glancing around she asked, "Where's Thor?"

Rick lifted his head and gazed around the grassy area. It wasn't that large, so he expected to see the large dog being wrangled by its owner, but he saw nothing. When finally his eyes scanned towards the direction in which the thief had sprinted, he caught sight of the edge of Kate's yellow jacket as it disappeared through the fenced entrance to the other side of the park. "Shit I bet he took off after that guy…C'mon."

He hoisted his daughter to her feet, took her hand and took of jogging towards the direction he saw Kate disappear. They moved only as fast as Alexis could run so it took them over a minute to cross the park. Once on the sidewalk, Rick looked left and right to see if he could determine the direction they went, but a crowd to his right drew his attention and suddenly his stomach felt very heavy in his gut.

"Stay behind me, Alexis," he commanded his daughter as they approached slowly. When he was finally able to see through the crowd he stopped dead in his tracks and immediately felt as though he was going to vomit.

In the second lane of traffic off the sidewalk a cab sat parked at an awkward angle. A woman in a bright yellow jacket knelt down on the pavement in front of the car's front passenger-side wheel. The brown and black fur of a tail could just barely be seen beside her knees. "Jesus," Castle cursed under his breath before pushing his way through the crowd so that he could reach the street.

"…I'm so sorry, lady. I didn't see him; honest! I was lookin' at that man runnin' through traffic and, aw, jeez, lady; I'm sorry."

"Kate?" Rick question softly as he approached. He doubted she could hear him over the sound of the cars honking behind the stopped cab, but it was the loudest voice he could muster in that moment.

Three steps later, Rick was close enough to see over Kate's shoulder; to see Thor. He was sprawled out on the street, breathing heavily, resting just below the car's front bumper. He didn't appear to be bleeding, but Rick knew enough to know that didn't mean much if all his injuries were internal.

"Ah, jeez, lady, we're going to have to move him," the clearly distraught cabbie said.

As Kate appeared frozen, Rick swooped into action. "Here—I got him; I got him." He stepped around Kate and slid his hands beneath the dog's frame to lift him up. Thor cried out, but Rick just muttered, "Sorry buddy; you're going to be okay." Turning to the cabbie he asked, "Can you take us to an animal hospital?"

"Yeah—yeah sure. Get in!"

"Daddy?"

Turning back, Rick saw his tearful little girl and his heart twisted in pain. "Alexis, honey, I need you to be a big girl right now, okay? I need you to take Kate's hand and I need you both to get in the back of this cab, okay? Can you do that Alexis?"

She said nothing, but nodded. Trusting she'd be able to follow his instructions, Rick followed the cabbie to the back seat of the yellow sedan and struggled to climb in while still holding the whimpering shepherd. A moment later, a rather shell-shocked looking Kate was pushed into the car by Alexis, who joined them a moment later. With the three of them in the back, the space was very tight, but at least Thor was able to lay his head on Kate's lap.

"Daddy," Alexis began once their cabbie was attempting to make his way up the street by continuously honking his horn and yelling out the open window, "is Thor going to be okay?"

"I don't know, pumpkin, but that's why we're taking him to the vet, so the doctors can check him out." Rick responded. Then, he gazed down at the dog on his lap. He could see his left front paw was twisted at an odd angle and suspected it was broken. If that was the worst of his injuries, he'd probably be okay, but if not…well, they'd just have to see.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm sorry :(


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Okay, so…what do we all want to eat?" Rick asked as he led the way into the apartment. He turned back to the duo of devastated looking women, waiting for their response. Though it was barely four p.m. since they'd been at the animal hospital for over five hours none of them had eaten anything. At one point he'd offered to get Alexis a snack, but she'd refused, saying she was too upset and worried to eat.

"Nothing," the young redhead finally replied as she kicked off her shoes and shuffled her way towards the living area.

"Gotta eat something, pumpkin. It can be anything you want—pizza? Fries?"

"No."

"How about some pancakes? You always like those."

She hesitated for a moment before finally making the counter-argument of, "With chocolate chips?"

"Sure." Rick then turned towards Kate, who remained rather statuesque by the door, and his heart broke for her for perhaps the tenth time that day. She hadn't said much since they got in the cab. Honestly, he believed she was in a state of shock, which was why he insisted she come home with them and she hadn't protested. Walking over to her, he unzipped her jacket, pushed it off her shoulders and asked quietly, "You're going to stay for pancakes, right? I can make some without chocolate chips if you'd prefer."

"Wha—no. No I should g-go." She shook her head as her voice cracked on the last word.

"You're absolutely not going anywhere." Whatever happened between them in the past didn't matter at that moment. She was his friend and she had suffered a devastating loss; there was no way he was going to send her home, not when she could stay with them. He even intended to invite her to stay the night if she wanted; he would do anything he needed to make sure she knew she wasn't alone.

"But I…I shouldn't…"

He gazed down to her eyes, which were a heart wrenching mix of sadness and confusion, and reached out to brush the back of his knuckles over her cheek. "Kate, please; just sit."

Rick dropped her jacket over the back of one of their dining chairs as he walked towards the kitchen to prepare their pancake dinner. As he pulled ingredients out of the pantry and refrigerator and lined them up on the counter, he felt an unexpected wave of nausea and grief roll through him. Gripping on to the counter with his hands he clenched his jaw, shut his eyes, and took in a deep breath.

Four and a half hours earlier, the trio had arrived at the closest emergency vet to the park and rushed Thor inside. The doctors whisked the dog back to an exam room and Kate immediately became frantic, wanting to stay with her dog as long as she could. Rick pulled her into his arms and managed to get her to calm down and have a seat in the waiting area while he tended to Alexis, who looked scared and uncertain. He'd pulled her into his lap and explained to her that the vets would do everything they could to help Thor.

For two agonizing hours they waited in relative silence. He was proud of how well-behaved Alexis had been in that time. She had always been mature for her age as a result of spending most of her time around adults, but she had gone above and beyond by holding Kate's hand and never once complaining about having to sit in an uncomfortable plastic seat.

Finally, a solemn doctor emerged from behind the Staff Only doors to announce that, unfortunately, nothing could be done to help Thor. The damage to his internal organs was too severe—not even surgery would be able to help them—so they would be putting him to sleep to end his suffering. A kind vet tech led Kate back to say goodbye. Another offered to take them back as well, but Rick politely refused, not wanting his daughter to witness the suffering dog's final moments. Plus, he didn't want to take away from Kate's goodbye.

Alexis was still crying in his arms when Kate emerged with Thor's collar in her grasp. Her cheeks were stained with tears, though no more fell. She sat down beside Rick and said in a harsh, almost robotic voice, "They need us to wait…paperwork."

He'd reached over and taken her hand saying, "I'm so sorry, Kate," but she didn't respond.

Rick had never owned a pet and thus had never experienced the loss of one. In his youth some of his friends had dogs or cats that had died during their friendship, but Rick had barely known those animals and thus was only able to offer condolences without really feeling. Though Thor was not his pet, with the amount of time they spent together over the summer, Thor certainly felt like his pet somedays. While Rick had witnessed the aftermath of the accident, he still found it hard to believe that Thor would never trot happily into his apartment again, or catch another Frisbee that Alexis tossed.

Standing there in his kitchen, the sadness of their loss washed over him, and Rick sniffed back a few tears. He needed to stay strong for the two women in his apartment, particularly for his daughter. She had already cried most of the afternoon. Surely, if she saw him break down as well, she would face even more suffering and he didn't want that, so he bit back his grief, lifted his head, and continued with the preparation of dinner.

Before he was able to measure out any of the ingredients, Rick was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. Glancing at the display he saw that it was Eduardo, the apartment doorman, calling him. Curious, he answered. Eduardo informed him that the police had arrived and wanted to ask him about the park incident that morning. Rick presumed this was because the entire series of events was set off by whatever that thief had done before he started running. Of course he knew nothing about that, but would help law enforcement in any way he could. "Thanks Eduardo; send them up," he said before ending the call and looking out to where Kate and Alexis both sat on the couch. "The police are here to ask us about the-"

"NO!"

Kate interrupted Rick's explanation as though she'd been electrocuted. She jumped off the couch and ran over to the chair that held her jacket. After yanking it off so violently she nearly tipped the seat, she began trying to shove her arms down the sleeves. Of course, in her haste, she ended up putting the jacket on backwards and then struggled to wrench her arms back out of the sleeves.

By that point, Rick had reached her side and calmly said, "Woah, hey, what's going on?"

She whipped her head in his direction and he saw that her eyes were wide and wild. "No, the police—they can't….you…I have to go."

"Kate, hold on," he reached out to touch her arm but she jumped back and the jacket slipped out of her grasp.

"No, no I can't—I can't."

"Kate, just-"

"You have to say he was yours." She reached out and gripped onto the front of his shirt, clawing at it with desperation. "Please, please—you have to say that Thor was your dog."

"Kate," he said, maintaining an even tone despite the fact that he was concerned she was having some sort of breakdown. "You're not making sense, Kate. Just calm down and-" He was interrupted by a knock at the door that made her jump.

"Please, please," she begged again before sprinting across the entry way, slipping into his bedroom, and slamming the door shut behind her.

More than a little stunned by what had just transpired, Rick remained frozen until he heard the knock on the door again that was followed by, "Mr. Castle? NYPD, please open up."

Groaning under his breath, he turned to face his daughter, who knelt backwards on the couch, her arms resting on the back of the cushions. She appeared equally as confused as he was. "Alexis, please go to your room."

"Why?" she responded. He gave her one of his infamous, though rarely used, stern expressions that meant she was not to question his request, so reluctantly she slid off the couch and made her way towards the stairs. Only once she'd disappeared from view did Rick open the front door and let the duo of cops inside.

"Sorry about the delay; it's been a rough day," he explained.

"We'd like to speak with you about an incident that happened. Could you tell us what happened?"

Rick nodded. "I, ah, I was watching my daughter play in the park and I saw this man coming out of nowhere. He was running carrying two purses. By the time I'd realized he was probably a thief, he'd barreled into my daughter. Accidentally, I assume. I was tending to her so I didn't really see what happened next."

"Witnesses say a German Shepherd took off after the man?"

"Yeah, ah, that's Thor. He, um, we recently adopted him from a friend," Rick said, his stomach tightening uncomfortably at the lie. "He, ah, I guess he thought he was protecting my daughter or something—like I said, I'm not really sure. By the time we got to the street, he'd already been hit by the cab. The vet had to put him down."

The officer nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Can you describe the man you saw that ran into your daughter?"

"Ah…" The writer hesitated as he thought back to earlier that morning; it seemed like much longer than five hours. "He was, um, Caucasian, wearing a dark jacket. A hat maybe? I'm sorry I don't know—all I remember for certain was that he had two purses."

"Were you or your daughter injured by this man?"

Rick shook his head. "No, no; no injuries. You didn't find him yet, I guess?"

"No sir, but we're looking." The officer then handed Rick a business card and requested that he call if he remembered anything else important. Then, they once again offered their condolences over the dog, and they departed the apartment.

Rick stood in the entry way staring at the business card for a moment before turning and walking into his bedroom. True, the lie he told the police was quite innocent as it did not hinder their investigation in any way, but he still felt uncomfortable with it. Only the absolute terror in Kate's eyes made him do it, but now that he had, he felt he deserved more of an explanation for her sudden, atypical behavior, though he could not begin to fathom what that explanation might be.

* * *

Kate sat on the floor of Rick's bedroom with her back against the foot of the bed and her feet flat so she could hug her knees to her chest. She strained to listen to the conversation going on in the hallway, but the words were muffled for the most part and she couldn't clearly understand what was going on. She was able to hear when the officers left, though, and in that moment she finally let out the breath she'd been holding in.

Leaning forward so she could balance her chin atop her left patella, Kate squeezed her shins a bit tighter. To say that the day had been horrendous had been an understatement. She'd been just barely a few seconds too slow when she'd chased after Thor. If she'd been faster, maybe she could have caught him before he darted out into traffic and then he'd still be alive; then she wouldn't be alone.

The only thing that could have made that day worse was if the police were able to make her connection with the Castle family. Then, not only would she be mourning the loss of her beloved pet, but she would have been in danger herself. Worse, they would have been in danger too. Her thoughts had been so consumed with Thor that she had never even considered the possibility that the police would need to question them. It was an accident, after all, and she certainly wasn't seeking out the police to press charges. She could only hope that Rick had done as she asked in order to keep them all safe.

A minute after she heard the officers leave the door to Rick's bedroom opened and Kate glanced up to see the large man shadowing the doorway. He took two steps into the room, sat on the end of the bed so that his right shin was against her left shoulder. Thirty seconds passed before he said, "So…you wanna explain to me why I just lied to the police for you?"

"I'm sorry," was all she could say, for there was no better expiation she could give while still protecting him. She pushed herself off the floor and barely looked at him as she continued with, "I'll just g-"

"No. Sit."

She did as he asked, though angled herself so that she didn't have to look at him.

"I'm going to need an explanation, Kate; I need to know what's going on with you."

She sniffed back tears and shook her head. "No, no you can't; it's not safe."

"You've said that before."

She felt his hand land on her shoulder and she winced. His kindness was making it so much harder to keep everything to herself, to keep it all inside, but she had to. "I'm so-sorry." She sniffled and then pushed herself off the booed so she could back towards the door. "I just…I can't be involved with the police. Or with you, not anymore. It…I can't."

"Stop. Wait." He stood and reached out for her arm, which he held gently. "What—I don't understand what's going on. You're acting like you're some kind of spy or something."

"I'm not a spy."

He tilted his head to the side and gave her a pointed look. "I think that's what a spy would say."

"I'm not a spy," she repeated more forcefully. "I just…I just need to go."

"Are you sure? We can eat pancakes…talk some more…"

She half groaned as she twisted away from him until he released her arm. God—why was he making it so difficult for her to just walk away? Couldn't he simply let her go?

"No, I…I have to go home, clean up Thor's…Thor…" But Kate let her voice drift off as the memory of her poor injured little boy returned to her mind and her tears returned.

Rick's arm slipped around her shoulders. "You don't have to do that alone, you know."

She nodded, still not looking at him. "Yeah, yeah I do. I'm sorry."

"Wait just," he held onto her shoulder as she tried to slip away, "will you come back for dinner tomorrow night? Please? I think it might really help Alexis."

Too emotionally drained to come up with an excuse that he wouldn't argue with, she relented. "Okay, yeah…okay." Then, he finally let her slide away and collect her discarded jacket from the hall. Once she'd reached the front door she gave him a sad smile and said, "Bye Rick." Then, she hurried out the door before tears could once again overtake her.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm sorry. I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, and that people will stop reading the story, but I hope you don't because there are only a few chapters left.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Sitting in his office, Rick scraped his thumb over the stubble that had accumulated on his jaw over the prior day and a half. On that lazy Sunday morning Alexis was laying on the couch reading—he could just barely see her mop of red hair from where he sat—and he was supposed to be cleaning up his notes and files from his completed book, but instead he found his thoughts drawn to Kate.

In his mind, the mystery of Kate Beckett had only deepened thanks to the events of the prior evening. Her terror when it came to the police had been most unexpected and perplexing. In his mind, the only people who were afraid of the police were criminals, but since Kate was a bar-certified lawyer, she could not be a criminal. A person might also be wary of the police if they'd been wronged in some way by them, which seemed like a plausible alternative. He thought that perhaps she'd been a victim of a crime in the past and was ill-treated by the law enforcement members she interacted with. That would certainly explain a person having distaste for the NYPD, but the problem was that he saw fear in her eyes; true terror and even with his expansive imagination he could not think of a reasonable explanation for it.

The problem was: Richard Castle did not like encountering things that his brain could not explain. He craved answers and resolution. He wanted to know the story—the whole story; he wanted to know her story, but he feared she wouldn't give it. She was already so closed off and that clearly wasn't going to change anytime soon. He wondered if perhaps she was just afraid; scared to let him see the truth for fear he'd have a bad reaction. Perhaps if he could discover hints or clues to what was really going on, she wouldn't be afraid to reveal the rest.

Turning to his laptop, Rick prepared to do the thing he hadn't done before: in-depth research on Kate. The prior year, as they were getting a bit closer, he'd found the law firm she worked for and her name printed on a list of those who had received scholarships from Stanford University in 1998, but that was the furthest he'd looked. To that point he had never felt the need, but it appeared that was changing.

When searching for details on "Kate Beckett" he came up with limited results that seemed relevant, so he switched to search for her given name: Katherine Beckett. Thankfully, that search set him on the correct path, as one of the first results was the obituary for her mother, Johanna Beckett, in which she was listed under "survived by." The obituary alluded to no cause of death, which he wasn't surprised to find; very few did, but since he remained intrigued, Rick opened a new browser window and typed Kate's mother's name into the search bar.

Rick had only known Kate to mention her mother once during their time together. During their second weekend together in the Hamptons, he'd been speaking about future summer plans, and asked if she thought her parents would ever be interested in spending the weekend at his estate. With an air of nostalgia she'd told him, "My mother was always the beach fan; Dad likes his cabin in the woods." To which he naturally extended an invitation to her mother, but she responded with, "Actually, she passed away a few years ago." He'd apologized for the error, but she'd brushed it off before purposefully changing the subject.

Weeks later when her father had visited them—a weekend that was quite enjoyable for all, Rick believed—the subject of Johanna had been brought up again, but only by Kate's father. He mentioned how his wife would have loved the Castle estate and he laughed at how they used to talk about what sort of people owned houses in the elite neighborhoods. From the context of their conversation, Castle had no way of knowing the reason Kate's mother died, but seeing as he estimated her to be in her mid-to-late forties (possibly early fifties) at the time she died, the two most likely options were illness or accident. His mind had subconsciously selected the former until his Googling proved him very, very wrong.

Murdered; Johanna Beckett had been murdered.

With jaw hanging open, Rick scrolled through the variety of articles that had popped up, first explaining that a woman had been stabbed on the Upper East Side, at a presumed robbery-gone-wrong. The subsequent articles asked for the public to call the NYPD if they had any information about the incident, which to Rick meant that they had little information to go on. Thus, he concluded that Kate's mother's murder had never been solved.

"Shit…" Rick cursed under his breath as he leaned back in his chair. So that was it. Kate's mother had been killed, the police had failed to solve said crime, and so Kate…resented the police? Hated the police? Was disgusted by the police?

No. No—none of that seemed right. She had definitely been terrified. The only way he could explain that terror was if she had been wrongly accused of the crime. Perhaps then she would fear being wrongly accused again—but, no. No, she couldn't have been charged with a felony and passed the Bar. Plus, would the police have even thought she was a suspect? Why would she have traveled tens of blocks out of her way to do something she could have accomplished in her own home? While she was still a teen, no less. No, that made no sense, and he wanted to believe the NYPD was smart enough not to consider her.

But then…why? Why had she been so afraid?

Rick's gut told him that somehow her fears were related to her mother's murder, but he simply couldn't fathom a reason how or why—at least, not in that moment. Perhaps if he spent more time around her, observing her…

With that thought on his mind, Rick reached for his cell phone and sent Kate a message reminding her about their planned dinner that evening. She responded quickly and asked what time she should arrive. _We'll eat around 6, but you can feel free to come over any time—especially if you don't want to be in your apartment alone_.

 _Running errands, be there by 5:30_ , she replied.

Rick hummed under his breath as he placed the phone back down. She'd be arriving at 5:30, which meant he had a little over six hours to figure out her mysterious behavior—or find a creative way to ask her about it.

"Okay, I think it's somebody's bed time," Rick said as he turned off the television and moved to stand from the couch.

"Noooo." Alexis whined as she relaxed even further into the couch cushions. She was sprawled out with her head resting near one of the ends of the sectional, her feet just beside Kate's thigh. To demonstrate her displeasure, she flopped over onto her stomach and whined again.

"It's a school night." Her father warned in an even tone, barely flinching at what was at least twice-per-week behavior from her.

"One more cartoon!" She bargained.

"No, then you'll be twenty minutes late for bed and we can't have that. C'mon." He turned to Kate briefly and said, "You'll wait, right? I won't be long." She nodded, though remained just as silent as she had been since she arrived two hours earlier. "Okay, c'mon Alexis." Rick hoisted up his little girl by the armpits and she whined again, though once he set her on her feet she began walking—well, stomping—her way upstairs. Rick trailed along behind her so he could make sure she completed all her pre-bed tasks despite her complaints, but his thoughts remained with the woman back on the couch.

When Kate had arrived that afternoon she actually had not seemed as sad as he anticipated. She chatted with Alexis, who had tentatively asked what she was going to do with all of Thor's things. Kate explained that she intended on donating his remaining food and some of his newer toys to an animal shelter. Alexis then quietly requested to keep one of Thor's Frisbees, which Kate had agreed to, though he could hear her voice cracking as she did.

Through dinner Rick still stood by his decision to invite Kate to join in their meal. Not only did he continue to wish that she not be alone so soon after her loss, but he also believed her presence helped Alexis's grieving process. The young girl seemed to brighten by the end of the meal and even let Kate choose which of her three pre-selected cartoons they should watch after their meal.

With Alexis present, Rick did not want to dive too deeply into the discussion with Kate about what had happened the prior day, but now that she was in bed, he was hoping that a glass of wine and the flickering light from his gas fireplace might lull her into a state of relaxation similar to how it had at the Hamptons house.

When he returned to the kitchen, he immediately poured two glasses of a bold red wine and then joined her on the couch asking, "So how are you doing really?"

She sipped the wine and gave a little shrug. "Well I only cried for about an hour today, so I guess that's good, right?"

He reached over and squeezed her shoulder. "You can cry for as long as you need to, Kate; we all grieve in our own way."

"I know, I know. I just… It's still hard to believe he's not at home waiting for me, you know? I keep thinking I hear his claws on the floor…probably will for months." She let out a mirthless laugh. He said nothing but continued to rub her shoulder until she said, "Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"What…what am I doing here? Why did you invite me to dinner?"

"Because you're my friend and didn't want you to be alone this soon after Thor passed," he explained simply.

She placed her wine goblet down on the coffee table and turned her body so that she faced him. "Friend?" she echoed in a suspicious tone. "Is that what we are? Friends?"

Unexpectedly perturbed by her tone, Rick placed his glass down as well and rested his hands on his thighs. "I guess I don't know what we are, Kate. We…we used to be something. More than something, actually, but then you ended things with these nonsensical reasons that-"

"My reasons are valid." She snipped before pushing herself off the couch.

He stood quickly and grabbed her arm. "Maybe to you, but to those of us out here they don't make any sense. You hurt me, Kate, and for the life of me I can't understand why. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why you think being with me isn't safe and why you're terrified of the police and I'll be honest: I'm at a total loss. You say you're not a spy, you can't be a criminal, so what is it? I can't explain it and I hate that because I'm always the guy that has the story to explain everything."

Her eyes narrowed and she twisted so that he released her arm. "There's no story, Rick."

"There's always a story," he countered.

"Well it's—it's not one you can hear."

She walked towards the entryway where her coat and shoes had been left, but before she reached the door he challenged her with, "Does it have to do with your mother's case?"

Kate stopped walking the instant the words left his mouth. She slowly rotated her body towards him, her face pale enough to make him think she'd just seen her mother's ghost, and rasped in a barely audible tone, "What did you say?"

He took two steps towards her and softened his voice. "Your mother was-"

"I know what happened to her—how do you?"

"Google," he replied a bit sheepishly.

The color returned to her cheeks with such ferocity that practically her whole face turned bright red and she stalked towards him. "Are you insane? Are you actually out of your mind? You can't look that up! You can't research that! You can't! You can't!"

"Okay, okay!" He responded to her frantic tone with his hands raised, palms facing out in a defensive manner. "I won't; I won't research it anymore, but this is it, isn't it? Your mother's case is why we can't-"

"Not you—anyone! I can't be around anyone!" She blasted out before stomping the last five steps to reach her shoes. "No one close to me is safe—no one. That's why I had…but now he's…and I…"

"Hey, hey." Rick approached and stood just beside her, reaching out to touch her spine as she bent over to zip up her boots. "Slow down, we can talk about this. We can-"

"No!" She yelled as she whipped upright once more; he stumbled back from the shock. "I can't come back here—ever. I won't. I won't put you or Alexis in any more danger. I—I care about you too much."

"Danger." His brow wrinkled as he repeated the word and took in her frantic gaze. "Danger from what? From who? How does—god!" The notion hit him like a bucket of ice water to the face. Danger, fear, her mother's murder—it was the only thing that made sense. "Witness…you were a witness," he breathed out.

"I have to go." She responded, quickly picking up her second boot and stepping towards the door without even putting it on.

"Wait hold on—I don't understand. Why aren't you in witness protection if you're in danger? But…you can't be in danger if you didn't ID them and you didn't because there were no charges. Even if they can ID you, you're not a threat to them if-"

"Stop! Just stop!" she commanded of his internal thought process being voiced aloud.

He reached out and gently touched her elbow. "Kate, I can help you. We can go to the pol-"

"It was the police!" She blurted out and then stumbled back as though afraid of the sound that came out of her mouth. She stared at him wide-eyed as he grew progressively more confused.

"What? What does that mean? How-"

"No, I can't." Kate quickly regained her sense of purpose and reached out for the door handle. Just as she was about to twist it open, Rick reached around her and pushed his hand flat against the door surface, holding it closed.

"Kate we can-"

"No." She whimpered out. "I can't risk hurting you. Either of you. I have to-"

"Wait." His voice was soft and tender as he moved his hand from the door to slip around her waist. "Wait, please. Please just stay. Don't…don't walk away again." He could feel it—another shift in their relationship. Despite her fear and frantic mindset, she had confessed that she cared for him very much. Seeing as he felt the same he intended to do something about it.

"But-" Her voice hiccupped as tears took over. "I'm not-"

"Shh." He hushed her, leaning his forehead against the back of her head. "It's okay. Whatever it is we'll figure it out. I can help you—protect you. I just…I don't want to lose you again." The confession slid out with ease, without hesitation. Rick had nearly been so wrapped up in his discovery of the story that he'd briefly failed to remember how his heart still longed for her, even with their month apart and how bitterly things had ended. Now that he knew there was a reason—a real, concrete reason that had absolutely nothing to do with her feelings for him changing; quite the opposite, in fact—he wanted her to stay. He wanted her in his life—their lives—for her had fallen for her and was ready to fight.

She spun around in his embrace and he could see the tears marking her cheeks. Even more fell as she shook her head and whispered, "If you get hurt because of me-"

"I won't be," he assured her, then leaned in to press his lips against the remaining tracks of tears. After several kisses, he leaned back and skimmed his hand down her arm until he found her hand. Using their joined grasp he gave her a gentle tug and began to back his way towards the bedroom.

* * *

Though terror made her want to sprint out the door, Kate's heart relented to Rick's steady lead and she began to follow him. As her feet moved across the hardwood she felt her chest tighten with the anxiety of opening Rick (and by extension Alexis) up to the dangers she faced every day. If he knew, he was at risk, and putting him at risk was the last thing she wanted. Yet, the quiet voice in the back of her brain reminded her, if he knew it meant she was no longer alone, and that notion was a tantalizing one.

As they crossed the threshold of his bedroom, the tears began spilling down he cheeks once more. With a shuddered breath in she tried to stop them, but there really was no use. All her fears and anxiety had built up inside for so long they had no place to go but out. She wanted him, god she wanted him so much, but if she gave in and let herself share one more night with him, how could she ever bring herself to leave?

When they reached the foot of the bed Rick skimmed his hands around her hips and beneath the back of her shirt while simultaneously bringing his lips to the base of her jaw, right above her pulse point. She melted into him the way she had so many times before, her fingertips curling around his shoulders and a mew of want escaping her lips. She shut her eyes and reveled in his touches for several moments until his fingertips reached the clasp of her bra. She breathed in sharply and took a step back from him.

"Wait, wait," she said, pressing her palms flat against his chest. "I don't know if…if I stay with you, I don't know if I'll be able to give you up." For many years she'd been the person who could have relationship without emotions. For her life, that was a necessity, but no matter how much she told herself it was possible, it never had been with Rick. He was so kind and sweet and he showed her the kind of life she could have; the kind she'd never dared to want. With each taste, giving up that newfound desire was getting harder and harder, particularly in the wake of losing Thor.

"Kate." He breathed out her name with such reverence that chills traveled down her spine. In the dim bedroom light he gazed down at her and skimmed the back of his knuckles over her cheek. "You don't have to. We can figure this out together. Just…just stay."

She settled her hands at his waist and shut her eyes for a brief second before saying, "Okay."

A smile tugged at his lips before he leaned down and covered her mouth with his. Then, he lowered the both down onto the mattress so they could become lost in each other.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

When Kate awoke the following morning, the first thing she was aware of was feeling warm—very warm. Hot, actually. She struggled to fight off the last bits of sleep as she opened her eyes and found her body completely entwined in that of her sleeping companion. His head shared her pillow and rested at the back of her neck, his arm was curled snugly around her waist, and his knee was butted up against the back of her thigh, almost as though he was purposely restricting her from escaping. Sweet as that was, she needed a bit more space than he was giving her. Slowly, she attempted to slide away without waking him, but she failed and he grumbled his way into consciousness.

"Mmm no, staynbed," he mumbled so that the last three words sounded like one.

"I'm not leaving; you just need to give me a little more room," she whispered in return.

"Mm sorry."

He slid backwards and moved his head back to his pillow, but left his arm around her waist. She shifted positions so she was on her back. In doing so, she lifted her head to glance at the clock on his side of the bed; it was just before six. "What time does your alarm go off?"

"Seven fifteen. 'zat too late for you to get to work?"

"I called off for today."

She watched as his lips curled into a smile and he slid his hand up her torso until he cradled one of her breasts. "Good; we can stay in bed all day."

She let out a breathy laugh. "And what about Alexis? Doesn't she have school?"

"Mm…she can take the subway."

"Rick!"

He smiled wider, though he still didn't open his eyes. "Kidding; I'll take her in and then come back to bed."

"I don't know if that's a good idea." As fun as a day in bed with Rick sounded, she didn't think they were in that place yet. Actually, she didn't know what place they were in; everything was still too up in the air.

Rick finally opened his eyes and moved his hand away from her breast and down to cover her belly button. Rubbing in small circles he said, "Why? I thought we were okay now, right? I know about-"

"No you don't—you don't know," she corrected a bit sharply for though he had guessed correctly that she was a witness to her mother's murder, that was but the tip of the iceberg when it came to the horrors of her past.

"So tell me. Tell me everything."

With a gentle shake of her head she began, "If I put you in danger…"

"Not possible."

"You don't know that."

"I do because whatever you tell me will never leave this bed. It won't," he promised. "If you tell me and we never talk about it outside this room, that's the same as if I never knew, right?"

Kate pressed her lips tightly together. She knew his statement was logically correct, but she also knew the man beside her to be one who continually toed the line and even crossed it on occasion. "You have to promise me you won't look into it. No research, no Googling. Nothing, Rick; nothing."

He gazed at her steadily as he said, "I'm promise." She held that gaze for another thirty seconds before nodding briefly, taking in a deep breath and preparing herself to reveal the darkest days of her life.

"We were…my parents and I were going out to dinner at a new restaurant, but my mom had to drop off some paperwork with a client first and I said I'd go with her. It was one of my last days of break before going back to Stanford and…I don't know I guess I just wanted to hang out with her a little longer. We were walking up the street and all of a sudden someone came up from behind me and hit me in the back of the head so hard the next thing I knew I was on the ground.

"I was so stunned I just didn't move for about thirty seconds I guess, but when I got up, I stumbled forward and I…we were near this alleyway. I wouldn't have seen it—would have just walked on by—but I heard her scream. I tried—I tried to go towards her but then something was over my head, my face. A blanket, a jacket, I don't know, but then I felt another sharp pain in my head, like someone punched me. Right here." She pointed towards her temple as she looked at the man gazing at her intently. Sniffling back some tears she continued with, "The next thing I knew I was in the back of a van, my arms and legs were tied and whatever was over my face was so tight—it was so tight I just felt like I was suffocating. I thought I was going to die too."

"But they let you go."

She let out a mirthless laugh. "Yeah…they let me go."

"What does that mean?" He asked, but she merely shook her head, not quite sure how to verbalize the utter terror she'd felt while in their captivity and how that terror ruled her life for the next several years.

"How long were you gone?" Rick asked after she was silent for almost a full minute.

"'bout…two hours, maybe."

"Oh," he said with a note of surprised. Then quickly added, "Sorry I just thought they might have kidnapped you and held you longer for some reason."

She shook her head. "No, no. I got the impression they hadn't expected me to be there and they weren't entirely sure what to do with me. I could only hear mumbling and muffled voices, but that was the gist I got."

Rick's brow wrinkled. "Didn't expect you to be there…your mother was targeted?" he asked with disbelief.

She nodded. "Definitely; they sought her out to kill her."

"Jesus…" he cursed under his breath. "Did they say anything to you directly?"

"Yes. I…I'd been sure they were going to kill me, but then all of a sudden the van stopped—I later realized that it was in front of my apartment building—and two men climbed in the back of the van with me. They recited my father's full name, my full name and our address and they told me that if I ever went to the police about what I saw, they would know and they would come back and torture us in ways that made us—and I quote—wish we'd never been born. Then h-he." Her voice cracked and she quickly brushed a tear off her cheek and swallowed before continuing.

"One of the men pulled off my mask and I could see them in front of me—wearing black ski masks so that only their eyes were visible. One of them—he looked older because of all the wrinkles around his eyes—held up a police badge and said, 'You know what this is, sweetheart? It's a detective's badge—NYPD—so if you breathe one word or even think about breathing a word we'll know about it.' Then he told me what I should say instead of the truth, shoved me out of the van, and drove off."

"God." Rick let out a heavy breath and reached out his hand to cover her arm. He rubbed his thumb against her skin for several moments before his brow wrinkled and she could see the inner workings of his brain whirring to life. "But…I don't understand. Why would the police kill your mother?"

She shrugged in the face of the question she'd been asking for nearly eight years. "I don't know …she was a defense lawyer, I can only assume it had to do with one of her cases, but it was never investigated; the assault was assumed to be an unsolvable random event and it was pushed aside and what else could I do? My father…I couldn't-"

"No, of course. Of course," he said soothingly as he stroked her arm. "You did what you had to do. What was the cover story?"

"That I was knocked out somehow and I must have entered some sort of trance state because the next thing I knew I was at home….as you can imagine, appearing to be in shock was not a struggle."

"Right. Of course." They lay in silence for several moments before he asked, "So this is why you've been afraid to get close to people? Because you think the police could come for them to?"

She nodded. "But there's more, actually. After…after it happened I was traumatized as you can imagine, but I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I couldn't see a therapist, I couldn't talk about it I just…I was on my own and my father…. He took it so hard. He started drinking."

"The beginning of his alcoholism?" Rick guessed, for though she hadn't wanted it to, that tidbit of her father's life had come to light the weekend they were in the Hamptons and he needed to explain why he was refusing beer and wine. To his credit, Rick hadn't pressed the issue at all and even offered to run to the store to pick up the man's favorite soda if he wanted.

"Yeah," she continued. "He…I think…I think there were times he was reaching out for me, maybe trying to ask for help but I just couldn't. I couldn't deal. I lost a whole semester of school I was falling apart and then…just as I thought I was beginning to come around I got this letter in the mail. It just said "We're watching" and…and it just felt like I was on this rollercoaster, only I never knew when the next plummet was coming," she choked out before reaching for a tissue from the box on the nightstand.

Rick slid a bit closer to her so he could drape his arm across her belly and squeeze on to her side. "God Kate…I cannot even imagine how hard that was for you."

She nodded and took a moment to collect herself before continuing. "I pulled myself together by the fall semester, went back to school. I thought about changing majors—I wanted to get as far away from law enforcement as I could, but my mother…she was so happy about me being a lawyer just like her that I couldn't. I finished undergrad and I was doing okay, really. Even starting to date a little bit again and then…A friend of mine and I were walking back to her place after seeing a movie and this guy running down the street grabbed her purse and kept going. I went with her to the police station to report it as a witness—I only saw the guy running away, couldn't really ID him but I knew that was the right thing to do. I didn't even think—I wasn't there about a murder I…" Her voice drifted off as it was once again swamped by the raw emotions in her chest.

Rick waited patiently while she gathered herself and then prompted with, "What happened?"

Barely able to see him through the blur of her tears she spat out, "They mailed me a picture of my mother's body—a crime scene photo. Her eyes were open, staring. And there was so much blood!" To that day, the image was seared into her brain; she could not have forgotten it even if she wanted to—and she desperately wanted to.

"God, Kate." Rick pulled her body closer to his and pressed a kiss onto the side of her head. "I'm so sorry."

"The picture…underneath the picture it said "REMEMBER" and…and that was it. The final straw I just…I couldn't anymore. I withdrew from everyone."

"And you got Thor?"

At the mention of her beloved pet, a bittersweet smile crossed Kate's face. "Yeah. I thought they'd come for me. I didn't know how, I didn't know when, but I thought it was only a matter of time."

"And that's why you're so afraid of the police," he concluded.

She leaned away from him slightly. "You don't think I have a right to be?"

He shook his head. "Not judging Kate, just repeating facts."

"Oh."

Returning to his side of the bed, Rick skimmed his hand over the bottom of his jaw and asked, "So it's been what? About five years since you heard from them last?"

"Yeah."

"And you never told anyone?"

Sniffling slightly, she shook her head. "How could I? They threatened my father. They kept threatening me. Everyone who knew the truth would be in danger. Even—even you," she added in an almost invisible tone.

Rick smiled reassuringly at her and reached out so he could cradle her face with his hand. "Your secret is safe with me, Kate; I promise. And so are you. They won't come after you."

She shook her head bitterly. "You can't know that."

He pushed himself up so that he rested his elbow flat against the mattress and gazed down at her as he explained, "But the story wouldn't fit. The actions they've taken have sufficiently scared you into silence; they have to know that. At this point you're no longer a threat to them, so why would they risk coming after you? It wouldn't make sense; it wouldn't be worth it. Now, I don't think you should go report all this—horrible as it is; that would be very dangerous, but now? In your life? You're safe. I don't think you have to worry, especially not when you're with me." He finished with a smile.

Her chest constricted with the kindness of his words, and she slid towards him in bed. They rearranged their positions so that she was snuggled against him, her head resting on his upper chest and her arm looped around his waist. Rationally she knew that his words made sense. If that many years had passed the men who killed her mother probably would not come after her unless provoked, but that didn't lessen the fear she'd held on to for so many years; that would be a hard habit to break. Still, she knew with the strength of the man beside her, she would find a way through it.

As his arm tightened around her shoulders, she realized how foolish she had been. If she had simply confessed to him her concerns that Labor Day Eve back in the Hamptons—or any other weekend she was there with him—she wouldn't have hurt him; they wouldn't have spent a month apart. She had been foolish and for that she needed to apologize.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner and I'm even sorrier that I made you think I didn't care for you."

She felt his lips press against the top of her head. "Apology accepted." He held her tightly for several more moments before sighing out. "Oh Kate…I can't believe how much you've been through."

She let out a slight laugh as she rolled back to her pillow and gazed up at him. "I told you I was a total mess."

He leaned in and pressed a kiss against her lips. Stroking her cheek with his thumb he promised, "No, no you're not. You're strong and resilient and incredible."

She smiled, accepting his kind words, but then caught sight of the time on the clock behind him and concluded, "I should go."

He held her fast as she went to slide away. "After that story? Why?"

"No—no. Alexis shouldn't see me here."

"It's fine."

She arched an eyebrow at his casual attitude. Though they had been together for a month over the summer, the young girl had never seen her spend the night at the loft, and had never seen them emerge from the same bedroom in the Hamptons; either sight was bound to raise some questions. "Are you sure?"

He gave a little shrug. "Not exactly… The truth is: I don't know how to do this. I haven't dated anyone since my divorce so I'm not entirely sure what the best approach is. What I do know is that I want you in my life. And we're together now, right? Officially?" He waited for her to give a confirming nod before continuing. "Then I want you to stay, and the rest we'll figure out as we go."

Soft smile on her face she said, "Okay." With that she snuggled back up beside him intent on dozing until he needed to get his daughter up for school. Then, perhaps they would spend the day in bed together after all.

* * *

 **A/n: remember - 2 more chaps + epilogue**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Great news, pumpkin," Rick announced as he emerged from his office to find his daughter sprawled out watching her half hour allotment of television that weekday evening. "Kate told me she wants to make us dinner Saturday night, won't that be fun?"

Alexis pushed herself up into a sitting position and asked, "Does this mean Kate wants to be our friend again now?"

"Kate always wanted to be our friend."

"Not after summer she didn't."

Rick hummed and took a seat next to his daughter so they could have the important chat he'd been avoiding. As he hadn't known what to say, Rick had not explained to his daughter why Kate had suddenly disappeared from their lives and their visits with Thor had been sporadic. Now that he and Kate had reconciled, she was going to be a more-permanent figure in Alexis's life, which meant that Rick needed to be clear with Alexis while also explaining the situation in a child-friendly way that would in no way upset or scare her.

"I think you're referring to last month when we didn't see Kate very much, right?" He waited for her to nod before continuing. "Well, that was really just a misunderstanding. You see, Kate thought if she told me something about what happened in her past, I wouldn't want to be her friend anymore. She was scared, but I convinced her that it was okay to tell me. She now knows that I still want to be her friend no matter what, because I care about her."

"What happened to her?" Alexis asked with slightly concern.

"That's something for when you're a little bit older," Rick cautioned. Or, the way he saw it, possibly never as it was best that as few people as possible knew Kate's secret.

"So Kate's going to hang out with us again?"

He nodded. "Yep, she'll be eating dinner with us, and probably spending time with us on the weekends since she and I are going to be dating."

"Dating?" Alexis echoed.

"Yes, dating—boyfriend and girlfriend. I'd like to find someone to spend my life with again, and that person might be Kate. That's why we're dating—to see if we're right for each other long term."

Alexis's brow wrinkled. "Like…she'd be my step-mom?"

"Maybe, but it's a little bit too soon to talk about that now, okay? We're all just going to be friends."

"Okay."

"I know this is new for you, Alexis; me too," he continued, "so if you ever have questions or if you're ever concerned about anything, I want you to let me know, okay?"

Alexis scrunched her face with thought for several moments before saying, "I do have a question."

"Shoot!"

"Can we get a dog?"

Rick almost laughed at the unexpected topic. "A—a dog?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I miss playing with Thor."

He reached out and squeezed her knee. "I'm sure you do, honey, but I don't think that's a good idea right now. That is—I don't think it would be fair to Kate. She misses Thor very much and we should respect her grieving. Why don't we talk about this in a few months, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay." Rick smiled. "Now, five more minutes and then you go brush your teeth okay?"

She smiled at him. "Yes, Dad."

* * *

"Thanks for dinner, Kate; it was really good."

Kate looked up at her boyfriend, who winked at her, before turning towards the little girl. As her father cleared the table of their empty plates, the two of them remained at the table. "Yeah? You liked it?"

Alexis smiled and nodded. "It was great!

Kate let out a breathy chuckle at the girl's enthusiasm. "Well I'm glad to hear it." In truth, she'd been a bit nervous about the dish. She'd made a similar stir fry before, but had adjusted the vegetables that night to adjust for Alexis's dislike of cauliflower and broccoli. Fortunately, her veggie twist had worked out, and both Castles had seemingly enjoyed the meal. Honestly, Kate would have been thrilled if the whole event was only moderately successful, particularly since it was her first official event as "the girlfriend."

Though it could easily be argued that she and Rick had exhibited many boyfriend/girlfriend like characteristics over the summer, particularly during the month of August, they had been dancing around their feelings then, which she felt mostly at fault for. Now that everything was out in the open, she intended to fully embrace her role as his girlfriend, even if it did make her nervous for she had not taken on that role ever in her adult life. With Rick, though, it didn't seem as scary as it once would have.

Hoping off her chair, Alexis walked over to Kate and said, "I'm glad you're hanging out with us again."

Kate leaned in and stage-whispered as though her thoughts were a secret. "Me too."

Alexis giggled and then folded her hands together and swung her hips side to side as though she was waiting for someone to happen. Not sure what was going on, Kate asked, "Is there something else?"

Alexis gave a little shrug. "I was just thinking…Dad said we're all supposed to be friends, so maybe…so maybe we could do something together…"

"The three of us? Or just you and I?"

"Well…I was thinking…maybe we could go and get our toes painted like we did over the summer. If you want to," she added hastily.

Her heart fluttering at the sweet invitation, Kate reached out and gave Alexis's arm a little squeeze. "That sounds like fun. And maybe we can even get a treat after? If it's okay with your father, of course."

Grin bursting out on her face, Alexis scampered over to the edge of the kitchen. "Daddy? Can I go get my nails painted with Kate—and get a treat after?"

He leaned over the counter and grinned at her. "Of course you can, Pumpkin."

When the smiling girl turned back around Kate suggested, "How about next Saturday afternoon?"

"Okay! Yay! Thank you Kate!" Alexis gave Kate a quick hug before running off to her room.

Chuckling as she entered the kitchen with their final empty dinner plate, Kate commented, "Cute kid."

Rick gave a playful shrug. "She's alright—by the way I'm super impressed with your cooking skills."

"I made dinner a few times in the Hamptons…"

"But that was pasta stuff – you made that stir-fry like a pro!"

She chuckled at his enthusiasm, which truly did extend to almost every facet of his life. "Well I don't know about that. It's nice to do every once in a while even though I work late too many nights to do it regularly. We'll have to do it again sometime."

"We will indeed. And speaking of—thanks for agreeing to do something with Alexis. She's… I think she probably misses her mother more than she lets on."

Kate pressed her lips together tightly, having nearly forgot about Rick's ex-wife in the joy of their newly official relationship. From all the information she'd gained over the summer, she understood that Meredith was not the most involved parent, but Kate wasn't sure if she'd been particularly absent as of late. "How long has it been since Alexis heard from her?"

"Well," he leaned one hand against the counter as he thought. "Alexis called her after the first day of school, but she didn't answer. Meredith texted me and said she'd talk to Alexis later and they eventually did connect, but it's been at least a month now since they spoke on the phone. I haven't heard anything since that text and honestly—and this might make me a terrible father—but I'm kind of glad." He let out a heavy sigh and glanced up the stairs towards where his daughter had disappeared. "Alexis doesn't need to have her heart broken again and again and she certainly doesn't need to become collateral damage in all of Meredith's drama."

As someone who no longer had a mother, Kate's knee-jerk reaction was to argue with him and say that Meredith should never be cut out of Alexis's life, because it's something that Alexis might regret later on. After giving it a moment's more thought, Kate came around to her boyfriend's way of thinking. As her primary caregiver, it was Rick's job to protect Alexis and keep her well-being foremost in his mind. If being around Meredith was going to be harmful, she understood why he felt the need to keep them separate.

Stepping up to him, Kate dusted her fingertips down his sternum and onto his belly. "You're not a terrible father. In fact, you're an amazing one."

"Well I try."

She gripped onto his shirt, not letting him shy away from the compliment she intended to give. "I'm serious, Rick. You've been doing this all on your own for over a year and Alexis is as wonderful as the day I met her—more so, even. You clearly love being a father and it shows."

He smiled and gazed off wistfully for a moment. "I do love it. I never…I don't know. Growing up it was just Mother and I, so conceptualizing a family was hard. I wanted one, of course, but as a teen—and even in my early twenties—it was still difficult to really wrap my head around it. Meredith and I were still both fairly young when we got pregnant, but from the moment Alexis was born it all changed; it was like lightening. I was struck down the moment I first held her and I've been devoted to her ever since. It's not just her, either. I really enjoy all the aspects of being a dad. It's cool and fun, incredibly challenging at times, but the most rewarding thing in the world. I'd…I'd even like to do it again, if I'm able."

Her brow wrinkled, not sure how to interpret his statement. "You mean…physically?"

He shook his head quickly. "Oh no, no. I mean—I should have said: if I find a woman to share my life with and she would like to have a child, too."

Kate nodded. "Got it. For me…I don't even know. I never really spent a lot of time around kids before Alexis. I mean, I babysat a bit in my teen years, but that was never really my thing. I didn't have a big family growing up—only had one cousin that I saw with any regularity—so I'm really unfamiliar with all this kid stuff, but she's fun. It's been fun and interesting getting to know her. I've really enjoyed it—and of course watching her with Thor was always a treat." Though the mention of her pet still brought a certain amount of sadness to her heart, Kate felt herself slowly emerging from the fog, and working her way towards the point where she could look back on all the positive moments with him and smile.

"Of course; they were best friends." He turned back to the dishes in the sink for a moment, but then asked over his shoulder, "Have you ever thought about having kids of your own? Human ones; not furry ones, I mean."

Though she did chuckle at his add-on comment, Kate felt her chest tighten slightly as the question. It seemed quite serious for their new relationship, even if they had been friends for quite some time previously. She supposed given the nature of their conversation, it was only fair, though. Rick was a man who wanted more children, and therefore he had a right to know if the woman he was dating was absolutely against having a child of her own; that was only fair. Still, she wasn't sure how to answer him.

In the week since confessing to him the most terrifying experiences of her life, Kate's nerves had settled down significantly with regard to him knowing her secret. She knew that he cared for her as much as she cared for him and thus only wanted what was best for her. She trusted that he would keep her secret and after several days' reflection she was even glad she had told him.

The emotional upheaval of Thor's accident had certainly been a main contributing factor in her confession, as had Rick's insistence. Had those two events not coincided, she was sure she would have retreated back into her world of isolation, never to see the Castle family again. Since that was not at all something she wanted, Rick's constant texts and phone calls brought not only relief but joy; this really was the next phase of her life and she was ready to welcome it with open arms, scary as that was.

"I don't—I never…" Kate paused to collect her thoughts before continuing. "Because of what happened with my mother, I completely isolated myself. I was terrified to get close to anyone for fear they'd be collateral damage when her killers ultimately came back for me. I'm not sure that I consciously accepted the fact that I would be alone for the rest of my life, but it was somewhere in my mind, so I never even considered the idea of being a mother."

"And what about now?" he prompted.

She laughed. "Well it's only been a week…"

"Sure; that's fair."

She stepped up to him and grabbed lightly to the front of his shirt again. "I'm not completely opposed to it, how about that?"

He smiled. "That's a start."

They shared a kiss before Rick took a few minutes to finish up the dishes. He then poured them each small glasses of wine and they retired to the couch.

"So was thinking," Rick began, "tonight was nice, really nice. I'd like to do it again—but just with the two of us."

She arched an eyebrow as her heart fluttered. "That sounds like a date, Rick."

"It is a date," he confirmed. "So what do you say?"

"I say that sounds nice."

"Yeah?" He grinned. "Friday okay?"

"Friday's great." She confirmed, then she kissed him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"Well," Rick sighed as he pulled open the main door to Kate's apartment building and let his date step inside. "At least the cab didn't crash on the way back; I kind of half expected it with how this evening went."

Kate clicked her tongue in displeasure. "Don't say that!"

He merely shrugged as he followed her towards her first floor apartment. Though his statement may have been a bit dramatic, the evening had not even gone remotely as planned.

As it was their first official date, Rick had intended to go above and beyond. He bought her roses, made reservations at one of the city's best restaurants, and planned for them to take a romantic visit to the top of the Empire State Building after the meal (though he thought that was a bit cheesy, Kate admitted that _Sleepless in Seattle_ was one of her favorite movies, so he thought she'd enjoy it.) When he picked her up, she looked positively stunning and he was convinced things would go wonderfully. Unfortunately, they had not.

Upon arriving at the restaurant, he learned his reservation had been lost. He tried to use his minor celebrity to secure them a table anyway, but the Maître D' had never heard of him; evidently, he wasn't much of a reader. From the sidewalk outside that restaurant, he called several others to check on availability. Kate assured him that she would be fine eating anywhere that wasn't a fast food chain, but he had insisted on keeping it classier than a corner bistro.

Ultimately, he got them a table at an Italian restaurant across town, meaning that once they arrived they were both extremely hungry, but at least they were seated right away. Rick was hoping that their date would go smoothly from that point, but ten minutes later the evening was derailed once again when an inexperienced waiter spilled over half a bowl of soup directly into Kate's lap. Rick's knee-jerk reaction hadn't even been anger, just deep disappointment. To her credit, Kate took it in stride and tried her best to mop herself up in the bathroom, but unfortunately due to the fact that her lap was soaked he had to scrap their after-dinner plans as she understandably wanted to change as quickly as possible.

"I still cannot believe he spilled that soup on you. It was like watching a horror movie in slow motion." Rick grumble when they stepped inside her apartment.

She shrugged. "At least my meal was free."

He gave her a pointed look. "Clearly, I don't care about the money."

She smiled and squeezed his arm. "I know, but it wasn't intentional and my dress is black; it won't stain." She walked into her bedroom but left the door open so that they could talk. "Honestly, I felt bad for the kid," she continued as she shimmied out of her soiled dress. "I thought he was going to pass out he looked so terrified."

"Yeah," Rick said absentmindedly, but truthfully he was observing her apartment. He'd been inside twice previously, but only to pick up her luggage before they left for a weekend in the Hamptons and thus hadn't really traveled much past the entryway. As with most Manhattan places, it was small with a kitchen barely big enough to turn around in, space for a two-seater table, a love seat, a few book cases, and not much else. Glancing into the bedroom he saw it was fairly decent sized—insofar as her queen size actually appeared to have room to walk around the three sides not against the wall, which was impressive, but it was far from spacious.

As he stepped further into the space, Rick began to look at the details as he often did. As a well-practiced observer, he always knew he could learn the most interesting things about a person from things as simple as their knick-knacks and assorted decorations. Kate didn't have much of either. Instead, her bookshelves were filled with picture frames in addition to actual books. He recognized her father in some of the pictures and some were of a woman he presumed to be Kate's mother based on their slight resemblance. All the others were of Thor.

Picking up one of the photographs of a German shepherd puppy sleeping on his back with all four feet up in the air, Rick smiled sadly. Though he had not interacted with Thor as much as Alexis had, he did miss the sound of the pup's claws clicking on the hardwood floors and the way Thor would flop down at his feet in the evenings. Though she didn't really talk about it, Rick knew how much Kate still missed her pet, and probably would for quite some time, which was why he'd shut down Alexis's request for a dog as politely as he could. He wasn't opposed to the idea of getting a dog, but it would only be after Kate was ready.

"Much better." Kate announced as she emerged from her bedroom.

Turning, Rick saw that she had changed into dark gray leggings and a maroon t-shirt. He smiled at her lounge wear and thus her comfort level with him. Though that date had technically been their first, it felt more like their twentieth as their weekends together in the Hamptons had bonded them more than any candle-lit dinner ever could. Walking over to her, he pulled her into his arms and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Dropping a kiss onto the top of her head he said, "I guess we'll have to plan a first date do-over for next week."

She pulled back enough to gaze up at him and said, "No, we don't need a do-over."

He arched his brow skeptically at her. "Really? You enjoyed being doused with minestrone?"

She laughed. "No, but other than that I had a nice time with you."

His heart fluttered at her ever-growing smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She rose up on her toes to give him a kiss and he held her close. Letting out a soft hum, he moved his hands from behind her shoulders so that he could cradle her jaw and rest his thumbs in the hollows of her cheek. He grazed his tongue across her bottom lip, seeking entry, but instead she slid away from him, her cheeks aflame with blush.

"What?" he asked, not sure how to read her embarrassment.

She shook her head and walked over to her couch. After she flopped down she rested her forearms against her thighs and gazed up a little sheepish. "Nothing, nothing….it's just been forever since I've been on a proper date. Guess I'm a bit out of practice."

He took a moment to gaze down at her, finding it interesting that she had no problems making out with him when their kissing was a precursor to what was at the time an undefined sexual relationship, but now that they were in a real relationship she seemed embarrassed, hesitant. He found it a little bit adorable, but the more her statement settled into his brain, the more he could hardly believe it. Sitting down beside her, he landed a hand on her knee and ran his fingertips over her thigh. "I honestly don't know how you did it—being alone all those years."

Leaning back on the couch she gave a little shrug. "I didn't think I had a choice; I thought it was the only way to be safe. Plus I had Thor."

He nodded towards the puppy picture he'd returned to her bookcase. "He certainly was adorable."

She let out a sad, breathy noise. "Yeah."

"I know you still miss him."

Her eyes got a little glassy as she nodded. "I really do, but… you know," she paused to brush a tear from her cheek, "I'm grateful for the time I had with him and…and he gave me you." She reached out and stroked her left hand down the front of his button-down, tugging a little on where it overlapped.

Rick captured her hand and brought it up to his face so he could kiss her knuckles. "You mean by being a Frisbee thief?"

She laughed. "Yes but no. He encouraged me to keep going out to the Hamptons and I don't think we'd be in this place if I hadn't."

He tilted his head to the side and asked, "How'd he do that?" for she had made it sound as though he had done so verbally and if he had failed to fully interact with the world's first talking dog he was going to be seriously disappointed!

She gave him a wistful smile. "Every time I returned from a weekend with you I swore I'd never go again because I knew I had to keep you at arm's length so that you'd stay safe, but the I'd come home from work and Thor would be sitting here on his bed with my duffel bag in front of him; he kept pulling it out of the closet."

"Seriously?"

She laughed and nodded. "Yeah. And then when I finally put it up on a high shelf, he'd pull out my shoes instead. Or a purse. Anything he could get his teeth on—he was encouraging me to go…sounds crazy right?"

"Not at all." As he was always one to believe in a higher power, or the magical, mythical corners of the universe, he had no problem believing that a dog could be smart enough to be purposely trying to convince his owner of something. "He clearly loved the beach."

"Yeah he did."

When he saw her brush another tear away, Rick slid closer and snuck an arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to bring the mood down."

She brushed off his concern and snuggled closer to him. "No, no it's fine—it's good to talk about him. And…as scary as it is, I'm glad we got to this place. I've never opened up this much to anyone before…I never…" Her voice drifted off a moment as she collected her thoughts. Looking up to him, she brushed her thumb gently across his cheek before confessing, "I never thought I could feel this way about anyone… Sorry." She shook her head and her cheeks flushed.

"No." He grabbed her hand before it could slide away and held it tight to her face. "Don't apologize for how you feel. In fact—can I tell you about the moment I knew there was a reason Alexis and I found you and Thor in the park?"

"What moment was that?"

He pressed a kiss to her inner wrist before dropping her hand and rotating his body so he could better face her as he told the story of his favorite moment of the entire summer.

"You were on the beach—this was the morning after we'd slept together for the second time. It was supposed to rain that afternoon so you Alexis and Thor went out early to get out some energy before we'd be trapped inside all day. When I finally walked out there to join you, I realized how windy it was—really, really windy. And when I walked over the dune to the beach, I saw you and Alexis running around using towels as capes. And you kind of froze with your arms up over your head as the wind pulled at your hair and Alexis and Thor ran around you. It was…magical and in that moment I knew."

"What did you know?" she asked a bit tentative.

He skimmed his right hand beneath her jaw and smiled. "That what we had was special—that you were special. That my gut had been right and you were going to be with us for a long time. Do you remember that day?"

A tear fell onto her cheek and she nodded. "Yes," she rasped out, her voice rough with emotion. "I remember being nervous when I woke up and you were watching me sleep. I don't think I ever had that before."

"Well now you do," he promised, and then he leaned in and kissed her. She reclined back on the couch as their kisses grew more heated. Rick moved his hand from her jaw to skim down her back. He slipped it into the back of her yoga pants and used it to squeeze her ass. She groaned into his mouth and began to undo the buttons on his shirt.

After several more minutes of making out on the couch, Rick used some of his last moments of clear though to tug her up and walk her towards her bedroom, where they'd have much more room and he wouldn't fear inadvertently bashing his knee or ankle into her coffee table. As she reclined back on the bed, he used that opportunity to shrug out of his already unbuttoned dress shirt. He arched over her and her hands landed at his sides, but her expression wasn't as placid as it had been in the other room; instead, she looked like she was thinking a bit too hard for what they were about to do.

"What is it?" he whispered to her. She shook her head, but he could still see the tears in her eyes despite the dim light, so he kissed her softly and asked again.

"It's nothing. I just…I'm really, really glad Thor store Alexis's Frisbee that day. You have no idea."

He stretched out beside her and pulled her body close to him. She threaded her left leg between his and rested her face just inches beside his on the pillow. He stroked her cheek and gazed at her hazel eyes, reviewing the last year in his mind. He couldn't imagine the life of isolation that she had lived; it was something he never could have done himself. In that sense, he was glad she had let go of her fears and let him in, but it was more than that.

The prior year, his six year marriage had ended in part because his wife had cheated on him. In the wake of that hurt, Rick wasn't sure how he could trust someone again, how he could let another woman into his family. Because of Thor and their play-dates at the park, he'd been able to get to know Kate slowly and built the foundation of the kind of relationship he wanted to embark on next. Yes, they'd had their bumps along the way, but he knew they'd come through them stronger than before. Most importantly, he knew that because Kate was willing to sacrifice her own heart and happiness to protect him and Alexis from something she perceived to be dangerous, he also knew she was unlike anyone he'd ever met, and he was glad they'd found each other too.

"I do," he continued softly, "because I love you."

"I love you, too."

Though her response was almost instant, the way she choked out tears in the immediate aftermath had him concerned. He pressed a kiss to her head and held her close as she dug her fingers into his back. "Are you okay, Kate?" he whispered after a minute of her soft crying.

She nodded and dusted kisses across his cheeks and nose before sighing, "Yeah. I just…I never said that to anyone before. I didn't even…I didn't think it was possible for me, but it is. I really love you, Rick."

As joy filled his heart once more, Rick pulled her close and cradled her body against his until her sniffles had almost disappeared. Then he kissed her tentatively, making sure she was okay to continue their romantic activities, but she surprised him by using her palms flat on his chest to push him into his back, immediately pulling her leg out between his and instead moving it to the far side of his hip so she could straddle him. "Wha…" he stammered out a bit shocked.

She lowered herself down on her stomach and stretched her body out over his, a sly smile crossing her face. She kissed the bottom edge of his chin and then pushed herself up just enough to pull off her t-shirt and toss it casually over the side of the bed. "I love you, Rick," she told him softly. "Now let me show you how much."

Smiling, he settled his hands at her hips and leaned back against his pillow; who was he to argue with that?

* * *

 **A.N:** thank you all so much for reading

the epilogue will be posted later this week, then I wont be posting a new story until the following week. I haven't decided which one I'm going to post next, so it'll be a surprise :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Epilogue**

Reluctantly relinquishing the delightful call of sleep, Kate Beckett stirred in bed and slowly opened her eyes. With the dimmest of light filtering in the bedroom from the windows, she guessed it was still relatively early. Thankfully, her birthday fell on a weekend that year. Better yet—she was in between cases, which meant she could actually enjoy her weekend. That did not, however, mean she would go back to sleep, particularly if she could coax her boyfriend into an encore of the events of the night before.

Smiling to herself, she rolled over, thinking she would surprise him, but he ended up surprising her as he was already awake and staring at her with a dopy smile.

"Good morning," he said.

"Morning."

"Happy birthday."

"Mmm thank you," she said through a yawn.

"Would you like your present now?"

Skimming her hand across the mattress until she reached his torso, she gave his belly a little rub and said, "I thought that's what you gave me last night."

He laughed deeply and leaned over to kiss her. "Not at all; that was just an ordinary Friday night, my dear."

Her cheeks flushing at his sultry gaze, she said, "Good to know."

A little more than a month had passed since they officially entered a romantic relationship and Kate remained continually impressed by him. Beyond his obvious talents in the bedroom, he continued to be the kind, sweet, caring man she'd grown to love and he amazed her every single day. Being Rick's girlfriend was so wonderful that Kate couldn't believe how long she'd isolated herself from the world. Then again, if she hadn't maybe she wouldn't have found him at exactly the right time to embark on what she knew would be a lifelong relationship.

"So…present?"

She gave a little shrug. "You really didn't have to get me anything."

He scoffed. "Obviously I did. Get dressed, please—and meet us in the kitchen."

Though reluctant to remove herself from the cozy king-sized oasis, Kate forced herself from bed a few minutes later and tugged on the loungewear she'd been wearing the night before. After pulling her hair up into a bun at the crown of her head, she emerged from the bathroom to find that the kitchen counter had been decorated with steamers and balloons. Though they had already sang to her and provided a cake with candles the night before, from the looks of the ingredients on the counter Rick intended to do the same with pancakes that morning. Unable to stop a chuckle from escaping her lips, Kate laughed and said, "What's all this?"

"Happy birthday!" Alexis cheered from behind the counter before tossing a balloon in Kate's direction. She caught it and then bopped it back to the girl.

"Thank you; this is all very sweet."

"Here! Here! Open your card!" Alexis dropped the balloon and snatched a sheet of paper from the corner of the counter and thrust it into Kate's hand. The elder woman soon realized it was actually a sheet of pink construction paper folded in half and crafted into a card presumably by Alexis and some crayons. There was a crooked birthday cake on the front with the words HAPPY BIRTHDAY written crookedly and half spilling down the page where Alexis had clearly run out of room. Kate recalled making such cards for her parents as a child and smiled at the memory.

Opening the card, Kate found there was yet another birthday message and Alexis and Rick had signed their own names. Below their names was another message written in crayon that took a moment for Kate to decipher.

 _PUPPY!_

"Puppy?" Kate echoed, a bit tearful as she glanced between father and daughter.

"Are you mad we didn't get you a real gift to open?" Alexis asked in a tone that made it sound as though she might have been.

"No, no," Kate promised quickly. "I just…I'm…"

"I wanted to get you a puppy and put a bow on him, but Dad said no." Alexis rolled her eyes while Kate remained frozen with astonishment.

"I reminded Alexis that it's not for us to say when you're ready for another dog and we don't want to rush you." Rick chimed in wisely. Then, he stepped up to Kate and stroked her arm gently. "Just know that when you're ready, the new puppy's on us."

Unable to verbalize the gratitude she felt for this incredible man and her daughter, Kate closed the card, held it close to her chest, and leaned into Rick for a hug. Then, she hugged Alexis, and once she felt she'd composed herself enough, she cleared her throat and said, "Thank you both very much; this is a great birthday gift."

Rick kissed her head and then walked into the kitchen to begin preparing breakfast. Kate and Alexis then took seats at the counter and the younger girl asked, "Will you get another dog just like Thor?"

"Another shepherd? I don't know," Kate said truthfully. "I honestly haven't given it much thought, but maybe we could do some research…or just go to a rescue and see if any of the dogs really bond with us."

"Can we do that today!?"

"Alexis," her father warned at her overly enthusiastic tone.

Kate smiled at her. "Well, probably not today. But soon. Maybe in a few weeks."

Alexis smiled. "Dad and I can come too, right?"

Kate nodded. "Absolutely. I want this to be our puppy."

Alexis grinned and hugged Kate's arm. "Thanks, Kate."

Kate sighed and leaned her cheek against Alexis's head. "No—thank _you_."

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you all so much for reading and sticking with this story

Up next I decided I'm going to post a 3-parter **Forget the World** which is an independent story but takes place in the same universe as my previous small fics Illusion of Perfect and The Heart Wants What it Wants. Thought is not necessary to read those before this one, it is recommended :)


End file.
